


The five people who got to know and love Isak and the one who loved him all along.

by hannakin



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Absent Parents, Angst, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Insomnia, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Swearing, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-01-16 10:54:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12341247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannakin/pseuds/hannakin
Summary: The five people who got to know and love Isak and the one who loved him all along. A tale of Isak Valtersen through the perspective of others.(Revised)





	1. Jonas

**Author's Note:**

> I'm revising this at the moment and updating the edited chapters mainly because I know there are so many errors in this one and that I'm a better writer now. I've basically gone through the chapters and done minor adjustments to the text as well as corrected spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. This is still on of my favourite works though :)
> 
> So this is my very first fanfic to ao3 and the SKAM fandom which makes me terrified and slightly anxious. I have wanted to post for months without having the guts to do it and when I finally felt brave enough I realized I had to wait another 2 weeks to get an invite to create my account. I have worked on this story for quite a while know and have had it in my mined for even longer. I have absolutely no idea how to use tags which is also kind of frightening but hopefully I did okay. 
> 
> This is your ordinary 5 + 1 fic and I hope you will enjoy it! 
> 
> Also English is not my first language so please bear with me if there are mistakes. I did my best but it can only take me so far :) I'm currently revising this so it should get better!

**Jonas**

Jonas and Isak have been best friends since they were five years old, the both of them hiding behind their dad’s legs and shyly stealing curious glances at each other while their dads talks to each other. Jonas and his family moves in to the house across the street from Isak’s and Isak and his dad are there to welcome them. Their dads talk for ages, having lots of common interests it turns out. Jonas hides behind his dad’s leg looking curiously at Isak who does the same thing. In the end Isak offers Jonas to play with his new beyblades and the rest is history.

From that day on they have done almost everything together from playing in the back yard of their houses to spending endless of sleep overs giggling until the early hours. They spend hours upon hours either playing with Lego at Jonas’ house or playing video games at Isak’s. Isak’s room is huge, much bigger than Jonas’ own and he has all of the coolest toys and video games. Jonas is a bit envious at first because while he has to spend two months begging his parents for a new bike, Isak just turns up with a brand new bike one day and it’s not even his birthday. But then Isak lets Jonas and only Jonas try his bike and Jonas feels a lot better. Especially when some other boys in the park gives longing looks after him as he speeds away, Isak cheering excitedly behind him. 

-

They start school together the following autumn. Since they are neighbours they go to the same school which is only a ten minute walk from their street.

Isak is the sweetest boy there is and it doesn’t take long before every girl in their school falls in love with him because of his long blond hair and big green eyes.  However, Isak doesn’t have time for girls, he tells Jonas one afternoon.

“I just want to spend time with you and play football, you know? I don’t want to kiss a girl. That’s so gross.”

Isak is hanging upside down from the monkey bars and Jonas is lying in the sand beneath him. He will get sand everywhere and his mother will later scold him but he can’t find himself to care. It is springtime and only about a month left until summer break and Jonas can’t wait. He imagines spending the whole summer with Isak. Just the two of them without having to share Isak’s attention with anyone.

“Girls are stupid,” Jonas agrees even though he thinks Sofie is kind of cute and he sometimes wonders what it would be like to kiss her. Or at least hold her hand.

Isak is good at reading and at maths, much better than Jonas and sometimes he gets a bit impatience when Jonas isn’t fast enough when they do homework together. But for the most part he helps Jonas with maths. Isak is also very good at football and basketball and whenever they play with the other kids in school Isak is always scoring and winning with his team and everyone wants to be his team mate.

“It is just because I’m taller than you,” Isak states matter of factly.

Isak must notice Jonas’ solemn face because before Jonas has time to respond he adds “But you are so much better at climbing and building with Lego and drawing.”

That is true. Jonas can climb the highest trees and he can draw better than anyone in their class. That makes him feel a bit better.

Isak is a very sore loser though, always whining and complaining whenever he loses. Whether it is on a video game or who can eat the most meat balls. It always ends up with Isak running off to sulk in another room, coming back after a few minutes with head bowed in. Jonas is used to it and it barely bothers him anymore. Sometimes he lets Isak win just to see Isak’s happy smile but sometimes he just enjoys seeing Isak a bit grumpy. It never lasts for long anyway.  

-

A lot of people would probably assume that Isak is quiet and shy as a kid. That might be true with some people, especially strangers but with Jonas he is always talking, always sharing new things he has learned, completely bubbling with energy and he always makes Jonas laugh the hardest.  Together the two of them get into a lot of trouble with their teacher just because they can’t stop giggling. Isak also has the wildest ideas. If anything, Jonas is the one to try to talk Isak out of doing reckless things that will get them into trouble.

It isn’t until years later that Jonas figures out that Isak’s slightly reckless behaviour is due to lack of attention from his parents. It isn’t something he reflects on as a child but the older he gets the more obvious it becomes that Isak is desperate to earn the same attention and love from his parents that Jonas receives on a daily basis. Neither Marianne nor Terje are bad parents per se but they are always busy with work or other things and when Isak is almost eight Lea is born and suddenly they are busy with the new baby and Isak is sort of forgotten. No matter how hard Isak is trying to be a good big brother or how good he is in school it doesn’t seem to be enough for Isak’s parents to draw their attention to their son for more than a few minutes at a time.

“I think they like her a lot more than me,” Isak whispers sadly one night during their usual sleep over. “They are always talking about how cute she is and how good of a baby she is and they never have time to do anything with me anymore. Mom just wants to cuddle Lea but she sometimes she doesn’t even have the time to tuck me in for bed.”

Jonas can hear quiet sobs coming from the mattress on the floor but he pretends not to hear it because he knows Isak hates to cry in front of people. Even if it’s just Jonas. Instead he tries to figure out something to say. Babies take a lot of time, he knows that and he also has a little sister. But he was only two when she was born so he doesn’t remember a lot. However, both of his parents always have time for both their kids. And they always tuck him in for bed. He doesn’t say that though because he doesn’t want to upset Isak even more.

“That’s not true, Isak. They love you just as much,” he mumbles quietly. 

Isak never complains though. He helps with his little sister and plays with her and holds her and even feeds here whenever his parents lets him.  However, the urge to get attention is always there in his eyes and he soaks up any praise he can get. So the year Lea is born Isak starts to act a little wilder. He goes from being a little shy and timid, afraid of getting hurt and always being a bit hesitant to try on new things, to do anything he can to impress people. He suddenly climbs higher trees and jumps from the swings longer and higher than before, smiling proudly whenever his father or mother notices him and chooses to praise him.

“Wow, good job, Isak,” Terje says when Isak jumps from the swing, flies through the air, and lands in the sand with a thud.

Isak beams for three hours straight.

However, the happiness doesn’t last for long and soon Isak is looking for even more dangerous things to do.

-

It is winter and Isak and Jonas are out by the slope playing with their new snow racers they had gotten for Christmas. It is already dark outside and besides a few older boys they are the only ones there.

Everything is well until the one of the older boys comes up with the brilliant idea to try to stand on their snow racer while going downhill. Both Isak and Jonas are lost in their tracks as the first boy tries it. He makes it down it with a triumphal smile on his face and all of his friends are cheering. Both Isak and Jonas are looking at them in awe as the older boys one after the other has their go. Then one of the boys notices Jonas and Isak starring at them. His smile suddenly turns into a smirk.

“I bet you don’t dare to do it,” he says smugly and suddenly all five of the older boys are starring at them with the same smug faces.

Almost immediately there is a shift in Isak’s attitude and he huffs his chest.

“I can do it,” he says stubbornly.

“Isak, no, it’s too dangerous.”

Jonas tugs at Isak’s arm and tries to reason with his best friend but he knows that look in Isak’s eyes. A look full of determination and pride and he knows that Isak will never change his mind.

Before Jonas has a chance to stop him Isak is already on his way down. This time in a far more icy and steep part of the hill and Jonas watches Isak lose his balance and crash head first to the ground about half way down. Then everything is quiet. The older boys leave as soon as Isak hits the ground, leaving Jonas alone in utter darkness and silence.

“Isak!” Jonas calls out panicky but Isak remains still and quiet.  

Jonas keeps crying and begging for Isak to wake up for what feels like an eternity. Later Jonas realises that probably wasn’t more than a minute or two but these two minutes are the scariest in his life.  When Isak finally begins to stir Jonas cries out in relief and tries to help his friend sit up. Isak however cries out in pain and almost falls to his side left arm clutched against his stomach. Isak’s arm his bent in an unnatural angle and there is a gash on his forehead from where he hit the hard ground. 

“My arm,” Isak wails, tears matching Jonas only Isak’s face is white as sheet.

Jonas helplessly tries to sit Isak up again but it only makes Isak cry harder and as soon as Jonas let go of his good arm he sways dangerously.

“I’m so dizzy,” Isak sobs. “My head hurts. I’m gonna be sick.”

He ends up pulling Isak on the snow racer. Isak can barely managed to hold on with on hand, the other held protectively against his stomach. He sways and almost falls of the snow racer several times all while sobbing violently. Jonas tries his best not to cry too and just get Isak home as fast has he can but it is not easy. There is barely any snow on the road and the hard asphalt scratches and probably completely ruins his new snow racer. It takes him so much longer than it should and he is absolutely exhausted by the time he reaches the driveway of his house. His dad happens to be on his way outside with the trash but as soon as he spots Jonas struggling with his precious cargo he drops the bag on the porch and hurriedly makes his way over to the two boys. Just in time to see Isak throw up on the snow.

Ten minutes later they sit in the car on their way to the hospital. Jonas’ dad is driving and Isak sits in the front seat. Jonas’ mother has made a makeshift sling for Isak’s arm and made sure he has a trashcan next by in case he gets sick again. Jonas wants to hold Isak’s good hand and tell him it will be okay but Isak stays curled on his seat, only held upright by the seat belt. Jonas sits in the back seat by himself, sobbing quietly.

“I want mom and dad,” Isak whispers brokenly as Jonas’ dad gets him out of the car and carries him inside the hospital, Jonas following close by, wanting to stay close to his best friend.

He knows it will take hours before Isak’s parents can be here because they are currently at a wedding somewhere outside of Oslo and had only taken Lea with them because she is still so little. Isak was going to stay with Jonas like so many other weekends. Isak keeps crying silently and Jonas and his dad do their best to comfort him until his parents get there.

Isak has a broken arm and a concussion and he finally has his parent’s undivided attention. When Jonas visits him a couple of days later when Isak has stopped puking, Isak is lying on the sofa, wrapped snuggly in a soft blanket and his arm resting on a pillow. He has a green cast which Jonas knows is his favourite colour. He smiles widely as soon as spots Jonas standing awkwardly in the doorway.

Jonas takes a few hesitant steps towards the sofa and sits down next to Isak carefully. He gives Isak the present he has brought. Two new movies and a huge bag of Isak’s favourite candy.   

They spend the rest of the afternoon on Isak’s couch watching the movies and eating candy and Isak’s mom even makes them hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream and marshmallows and Isak lets Jonas draw on his cast with a gold pen.

“Isak…” Jonas mumbles a few hours later, just before he has to leave.

“Mm,” Isak answers, obviously tired but trying to stay awake.

“Never do something like that again,” Jonas says seriously.

Isak smiles sadly.

“I promise,” he mumbles.

-

And he does. Because that is the last time Isak does something like that. Maybe it is because that night scared Isak as much as it scared Jonas. Maybe it is because as soon as the cast is gone things go back to normal and the little bit of extra care and attention that Isak got from his parents went away with the cast.  

A few years go by and they barely talk about Isak’s accident again. Isak finally seems to accept that he will never get his parents attention in the way he wants to. Especially when he realises that not even good grades seem to help. It still doesn’t stop Isak from working hard though.

“I want to be a doctor,” Isak says one day in class when they are reading about the brain.

They are eleven years old. Isak has long, blond, silky hair which the other guys in school like to tease him about. Whenever they do Jonas is always there to protect his best friend and together they come up with even worse insults, and soon they are both left alone.

Isak’s hair is so long that he has to wear a head band during football practice. They had both started football practice when they were about nine but while Isak loved it Jonas had found that he didn’t really like it at all so he had stopped after only a season. He still likes to watch Isak play though, chest filled with pride whenever Isak scores.  Instead of football Jonas likes to skate which turns out to be one other thing he is way better at than Isak.  He has tried to teach Isak several tricks but Isak is just a hopeless case. Well perhaps not hopeless because he is still way better than many of the other guys who beg Jonas to teach them to do basic stuff but Isak is still not very good. Surprisingly it turns out that Jonas can be pretty impatient too.

“I want to be a skateboard pro and travel the world skateboarding. Imagine how many chicks I would get,” Jonas answers dreamingly and Isak snorts loudly. He only laughs when Jonas throws his book into Isak’s face.

-

The year they turn twelve is also the year everything goes to hell. At first Jonas doesn’t notice much of a difference but soon Isak spends more and more time with the Vasquez family. It is almost every weekend and a lot of weeknights too. He knows his parents are hiding something and Isak seems more quiet and sad than usual.

Nothing seems to make him particularly enthusiastic anymore, not even beating Jonas on Fifa which usually puts a grin on Isak’s face. Between Isak’s profound sadness and his parent’s worried glances, Jonas knows something is wrong. Still no one tells him anything.

“There is something wrong with my mom,” Isak says sadly one day when they are walking home from school. “She is home all the time but she sleeps a lot and dad says we can’t bother her.”

Suddenly it makes sense to why they have stopped hanging out at Isak’s house.

“What’s wrong with her then?” Jonas asks.

Isak kicks some gravel with his foot.

“Sometimes she is screaming and throwing things and sometimes she is talking to herself and she will look around in the room weirdly like she is seeing stuff. And talks about weird stuff all the time and she once told me that star wars was created by evil people that want control us and she believes that that are aliens following her. Or she thinks there are rats in the walls even if dad had some people checking.”

Jonas doesn’t know what to reply and Isak refuses to meet his eyes for the longest of times. He just continue to kick at the gravel as they walk, destroying his new shoes in the process.

“It’s like she is crazy,” Isak finally whispers looking at Jonas with tears in his eyes and shame visible on his face.

Jonas does the only thing he can think of which is to wrap Isak in to a hug and let his friend cry against his shoulder. Usually Isak would never agree to do such thing but at the moment he seems to be too exhausted to care.

That year Isak joins Jonas’s family to Trysil during Easter break and then in the summer he travels with them to Mallorca. Suddenly Isak is part of their family and he is like the third kid Jonas parents never had. Jonas knows both his parents love Isak like their own child.

Things seem to calm down a bit with Isak’s mother over the summer and when autumn rolls around things are almost back to normal again. Still there are times when Isak just looks exhausted and worn out and the urge to protect his best friend grows within Jonas’ body. He never wants to see Isak sad and he will do anything it takes to make sure Isak stays happy.  Sometimes it means shutting down stupid rumours about Marianne in school and sometimes it is buying Isak a kebab after school.

-

The year they turn thirteen they have to change schools again. By now Isak has cut his hair and it is just long enough to curl at the back of his head. It also that year that Jonas is starting to get more interested in girls. He supposes Isak is too. Jonas is in love with Ingrid but it isn’t until the beginning of year nine that they finally get together. It is his first relationship so he is pretty ecstatic about it. Naturally he wants to spend all the time with her which, Jonas guesses, makes Isak feels a bit left out. It makes him annoyed at first because he thinks it’s pretty unfair of Isak to be so unreasonable and not let Jonas spend time with his girlfriend. It’s not like Isak doesn’t have other friends. Jonas tells him just that in one of their worst arguments ever.

“Why do you have to spend all time with her?” Isak spits angrily.

Isak looks exhausted, like he hasn’t slept in days and there are dark circles underneath his eyes and he is hiding in his hoodie.

“She is my girlfriend, Isak. Of course I want to spend time with her.” Jonas answers just as angrily.

“I get that but why do you have to spend every fucking day and evening with her. It’s like you can’t do anything without her anymore and it’s so fucking annoying.” Isak says voice a bit higher than before.

Jonas feels rage burn in his chest.

“Grow up, Isak!” he says cruelly. “I can’t hold your fucking hand through every part of your life. It’s not my fault you are lonely. Get your own girlfriend instead of being jealous because I have one when you don’t.”

It comes out way harsher than he had intended and as soon as he watches Isak shrink back with tears in his eyes, he regrets it. His best friend looks absolutely destroyed.

“Fuck you, Jonas.” Isak whispers angrily. “Enjoy your fucking life with Ingrid.”

With that Isak turns away and leaves.

They make up of course. They always do and in the end Isak is the best friend Jonas has ever had and he never wants to lose him. Even less over something as petty as a stupid argument. Jonas apologizes and promises to spend more time with Isak but Isak just shrugs dejectedly. Jonas is left frowning over his friend’s behaviour but he promises from now on he is going to be a better friend.

It’s after this that Jonas starts to notice that Isak looks exhausted almost all the time.

Then shit really hits the fan during their first year at Nissen.

-

He slowly starts to notice Isak becoming more withdrawn again. He knows by now that Isak’s home life sucks and therefore it hard to say no to Isak whenever Isak wants to hang out. He can’t stand the thought of Isak alone in his house while Jonas and Eva are doing all those amazing things. Luckily Eva is a lot more understanding than Ingrid and she and Isak are pretty close from the time when Jonas and Ingrid dated and Eva and Isak was the two best friends.

Their first term is messy to say the least. The summer before had been such a bliss but as soon as the school year starts things turn bad. Eva doesn’t have any friends and is lonely and dependent. Isak is sad and looks more exhausted than ever before. He is withdrawn and quiet and never wants to tell Jonas what’s wrong. In the middle of this is Jonas, trying to find his new place at his new school and desperate to finally be cool.

He gets friends with Elias who deals weed and also hangs out in the skate park. He can tell that both Eva and Isak disapprove of Elias but Eva is the only one who verbally expresses her opinions. Isak kind of just exists, letting whatever stupid joke Elias throws at him eat him up.  Despite Eva’s looks of disapproval and Isak’s increasingly miserable appearance, Jonas can’t find himself to tell Elias off. It’s just jokes right? Nothing to be so upset about.

No matter what he does it is not enough for anyone. If he wants to hang out with Isak, Eva gets disappointed. When he rejects Isak one night in order to spend time with his girlfriend, Isak’s sad look will haunt him the whole night. Him and Eva are fighting and making up almost every day and it is exhausting. He knows he is probably a shitty boyfriend to Eva and no matter what he says he ends up screwing things up even more.

When he learns that Eva has cheated on him with Penetrator Chris it feels like someone has dumped a bucket of ice cold water over his head. It doesn’t help that Chris is a smug fucking bastard about it either.

Then one night in the middle of all this chaos, Isak calls him in panic and all Jonas can get between Isak’s frantic breaths and cries is that he needs to get to Isak’s house as fast as he can. He takes his dad with him because frankly he is a bit scared of going alone and besides Marianne has always liked Jonas’ dad.

The kitchen is a mess of broken glass and splinters of wood from where Marianne has teared down one of the cabinet doors. Isak has tears in his eyes when he opens the door and Marianne is standing in the middle of the mess completely trapped in her own world. It takes them a good ten minutes until Jonas' dad manage to calm her down and lead her upstairs to her bed room.

The moment she leave Isak sinks to the floor and Jonas sinks down next to him. Mindful of the broken glass. Isak buries his face in his hands, shoulders shaking with every sob. Jonas wraps an arm around Isak’s frame and holds his best friend.

“Dad left us,” Isak mumbles after a little while. “He packed his things and took Lea with him and left me alone with her.”

Jonas has never hated anyone before but right now he hates Terje with a passion.

“He couldn’t deal with mom anymore and he left me with her,” Isak cries.

He looks up briefly.

“Fuck, I can’t Jonas. I can’t take care of her and I can’t breathe” 

Isak’s breathing picks up and he struggles to stay calm. Jonas rubs Isak’s arm gently.

“It’s okay. My dad is with her right now and he will take care of her,” Jonas says gently. “Let’s just focus in you for a while.”

“I can’t do this,” Isak panics.

Jonas manages to get Isak to the couch. The same couch that Isak had once been laying on with a broken arm. He wraps a blanket around Isak’s body and crouches in front of the other boy.

“Do you need anything?” he asks softly.

Isak shakes his head and curls up on the sofa.

“Just don’t leave,” he mumbles frailly.

Jonas nods. He wasn’t planning on leaving any time soon. Instead he puts one a movie that they watch in silence. Isak curled up in one end of the couch and Jonas sitting at his feet in the other end.

The next few days are rough but Jonas stays with Isak and makes sure he gets some sleep and eats.  Isak barely has the energy to leave the couch other than to use the bathroom and check on his mom. She is much calmer but still trapped in her own mind and she spends most time in her bedroom. At least she has stopped screaming and throwing things. 

-

It takes a few weeks until Isak is back on his feet but eventually things calm down again but Jonas makes sure to keep an extra eye on his best friend. He breaks up with Eva and Isak is there for him, despite his own inner turmoil. In some ways it almost feels like it is the two of them against the world again, just like when they were little.

When Jonas is randomly beaten up Isak is there to comfort him and making sure he is okay. He cleans the cuts on Jonas face with soft hands when Jonas doesn’t want to go home and wraps a bag of frozen peas into a soft towel for Jonas to put on his swollen cheek.

“You would make a good doctor,” Jonas mutters under clenched teeth and hisses as the cut Isak is cleaning stings painfully.

Isak smiles slightly though his eyes remains focused on his task.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” he says seriously once all the cuts have been cleaned and Jonas as swallowed an ibuprofen for the pain.

“Don’t be stupid,” Jonas says just as seriously and meets Isak’s worried eyes.

A few weeks later it is Isak who arranges a fight between the guys who beat Jonas up and the penetrators in order to get revenge for his best friend.

Another few weeks later Jonas learns that Isak has moved out of his house and is now living in a basement of some stranger’s house. Isak just shrugs when Jonas asks him about it.

“I couldn’t take it anymore,” Isak says guiltily, shame written all over his face. “I’m a horrible son.”

Jonas swallows thickly.

“You are not a horrible person, Isak,” he says and reaches out to touch Isak’s arm gingerly.

Isak doesn’t seem to notice.

“She just, I couldn’t do anything and all she ever did was scream at me…” Isak goes quiet again and picks as his kebab, most of still untouched.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jonas asks gently, not wanting to put any more pressure onto Isak’s shoulders but desperately wanting to know why Isak hasn’t reached out to him. “I would have helped you. You know my parents would have taken you in and helped with your mom…”

Isak shakes his head sadly.

“You've had so much on your plate already. Besides you have done enough for me as it is. And Eskild is not that bad. You’d like him.”

-

The summer goes by all too fast and as their second year at Nissen rolls around Jonas can still tell that Isak is not himself. Hasn’t been since his parents split. They hang out a lot with Magnus and Mahdi, the four of them getting along really well. They party every weekend, smoke weed and drink beers at kollektivet. While Magnus and Mahdi probably don't notice the subtle changes in Isak’s behaviour Jonas certainly does. While they think he is just a bit grumpy Jonas immediately can tell the difference between Isak’s usual grumpiness and when something is wrong.

Isak is absent through their conversations, and indifferent when they talk about girls. Jonas knows Isak probably has trouble sleeping again because the circles under Isak’s eyes grow darker and more prominent each week. Jonas tries to pry whenever he can. Subtly asking about Isak’s mother without making it too obvious since Mahdi and Magnus have no idea what kind of family Isak comes from. All they know is that Isak uses family dinner as an excuse to not hang out with them. Jonas can tell that they are a bit suspicious especially Mahdi but so far he has managed to avoid any further questions by simply shrugging everything off.

It’s not until Isak starts to lie and even forgets Magnus birthday that the other two boys starts to grow annoyed with his behaviour. Jonas is getting frustrated too and if he didn’t know Isak so well he would probably be angry too. But he knows all too well that underneath Isak’s grumpy and in different exterior Isak is fighting a battle. He just wishes Isak would let him in on whatever is bothering him.

Then there is the party at Emma’s house when Isak snaps completely when Mahdi takes one of his jokes a tiny bit too far. Isak has been quiet the whole night and when he exists Emma’s house Jonas knows something is off. Then he roughly shoves Mahdi leaving a number of by standers looking curiously at the commotion.

“What the hell is happening?” Jonas questions raising an eyebrow in concern.

Isak looks absolutely furious and both Mahdi and Magnus are surprised and slightly shaken by Isak’s violent outburst. As they watch Isak leave with hunched shoulders and hurried steps Mahdi turns to him.

“What the hell is his problem? I was just joking?”

They both turn to Jonas for answers but Jonas doesn’t have any. He is just as confused as they are.

 “Something is wrong,” he says a few hours later when they sit in Mahdi’s basement, playing COD. “I’m worried about him.”

The next time he sees Isak in school Isak looks even worse for wear and Jonas makes sure to tell Isak that he is there whenever Isak feels ready to talk to him. A few days later Isak timidly asks if Jonas wants to buy some kebab.

“It’s not a girl,” Isak says nervously while picking at his kebab without taking one single bite and suddenly everything falls into place.

Honestly Jonas is not that surprised even if Isak’s sexuality is not something he thinks about a lot. He is just relieved that it wasn’t something bad.

“Is it me?” he asks and Isak laughs and it is the most beautiful sound in the world.

Then Isak tells Jonas about Even and a few days later Isak tells the boys he is gay.

-

At first Jonas is kind of vary of this Even guy. He figures out Isak has been in love with Even for a while now but kept it to himself but all Jonas knows is that Even toys with Isak’s heart and that Isak is way too insecure to put down his foot and tell him to make up his mind. But Isak is too important to have his heart broken even if he doesn’t know it himself. Jonas will fight anyone who dares tamper with Isak’s heart. Especially after the rough year Isak has had.  It turns out Jonas has nothing to worry about because Even is clearly on of the best things that has happened to Isak. He loves Isak deeply and tenderly and despite his own demons he manages to bring Isak safety and stability.

Suddenly Isak is full of life again and his eyes have that sparkle that has been missed in them for so long.  It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders or that he is not trapped under water anymore.

The boy squad now has five members instead of four but no one minds. Even and Isak are joined to the hip and wherever Isak goes Even usually follows and vice versa. Rarely do they part from each other’s side and normally that would make Jonas feel slightly sick to his stomach but watching Isak contently curl up against Even’s side and the older boy wrapping his arms around Isak’s body protectively, kissing his cheek softly only makes Jonas happy. He can tell Mahdi and Magnus feels the same way. He is pretty sure anyone who knows Isak can tell the difference.

-

Therefore no one is really surprised when Isak and Even announce that they are moving in together. It is probably way too soon because they have only been together for a few months and they are both so young. On the other hand they haven’t spent one night apart since they got official. They have also already faced so much, both together and before they even met each other. If anyone is ready to move in together it’s the two of them.

The boys help Isak and Even move Isak’s things into the new apartment. Both Isak and Even can’t stop beaming at each other, stopping every few seconds to just look at each other happily or to steel sweet kisses. As the boys are packing up the last few boxes the two of them sneak out and down the stairs un-doubtfully so they can have a few minutes for themselves. Ten minutes later the boy finds them in the back of the van, Isak leaning into his boyfriends touch and Even playfully kissing Isak’s cheek.

-

Later that night when Isak and Even have had time to unpack, they invite the boys over for some beer and pizza.  Mahdi and Magnus immediately engages in a game of Fifa and Even still has a few things to unpack in the kitchen which leaves Isak and Jonas to go and buy the pizzas.  They walk in silence all the way to the pizzeria. Jonas watches is best friend as Isak pulls out his phone, whole face lightning up as he reads the message on his screen. There is no doubt who has just texted him. 

“Miss him already?” Jonas teases lightly.

Isak beams.

“He just told be Mahdi won with 8-0,” Isak replies. “Now Magnus is complaining so we need to hurry with the pizzas.”

“Ha,” Jonas says. “He is even more of a sore loser than you,” he smiles.

“Oh fuck you,” Isak mutters. “I’m not a sore loser, and besides I always win.”

Jonas rolls his eyes.

“You started crying every time you lost when we were kids,” he points out and raises an eyebrow.

Isak laughs.

They get the pizzas and starts the walk home. This time it’s Isak who breaks the silence.

“Remember when I broke my arm?” he asks.

Jonas snorts. How could he ever forget? To this day it is one of the worst memories of his life.

“Yeah,” He says verily, wondering why Isak would bring it up now.

“I think about that a lot,” Isak says. “I was so scared when I woke up and you were crying and I remember not being able to sit up because I was so dizzy and my arm hurt so much but you somehow manged to get me home and you were just so calm.”

“I was terrified the whole time,” Jonas admits. “I thought you were dead.”

Isak nods.

“You know why I did it?” he asks.

Jonas takes a few seconds before he answers.

“At the time I didn’t really think about it. But then I figured you did a lot of things to impress your parents.”

Isak nods slowly, looking a little surprised.

“I guess that is true, mostly,” He starts. “But I also did it to impress you,” he smiles gingerly.

“What?” Jonas says and he can feel his own jaw dropping. “Why?” he asks.

Isak looks at him seriously.

“You know why,” he whispers.

They walk the rest of the way home in silence, Jonas feeling a bit shocked at Isak’s sudden confession. Just as the reach the front door to the apartment, Jonas stops Isak in his tracks by placing a hand on Isak’s shoulder. Isak turns around to look at him.

“Thanks for telling me,” Jonas says, smiling. “I guess I wasn’t that far off when I guessed it was me you liked.”

Isak smiles back.

“It feels like a long time ago,” he states, eyes travelling up to the windows to their apartment.

Jonas nods.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Look I know I haven’t been the best friend to you lately-“

Isak shakes his head.

“Don’t be stupid,” he smiles.

Jonas smiles lightly before he continues.

 “I just want you to know that I’m so happy for you…and Even. You deserve happiness more than anyone and I can see how happy Even makes you and I remember how miserable you were before you met him. I just never want to see you like that again,” he finishes, suddenly feeling a lot more emotional.

“Thanks,” Isak mumbles, clearly emotional as well.

Jonas takes the chance to wrap Isak into the most awkward hug ever due to the both of them carrying their pizzas.

“I just want you to know that I love you, and you are important to me,” he mumbles.

“You are important to me too. And you are the best friend anyone could ever ask for,” Isak answers, “And I love you too but as a friend.”

The two of them laughs the whole way up to the apartment. Once they are there Isak immediately throws himself into Even’s waiting arms were he spends the rest of the evening.

Jonas can’t help but watch them interact with each other. How Isak buries his nose into Evens neck when he gets tired and how Even soothingly play with Isak’s curly hair. He has never seen Isak so at ease in his life, like he has find his perfect place in the universe with Even by his side. He is truly happy for Isak. Because after everything Isak has been through god knows he deserve someone like Even in his life.


	2. Eskild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Thank you so much for the amazing response to the last chapter. I was so anxious and nervous about posting it but seeing the response made me so happy. So thanks again! 
> 
> I planned to update a few days ago but I really wanted to be finished with chapter 3 before posting but it took me so long. I actually started with chapter 4 instead which is almost finished so it's probably going to be my new chapter 3. 
> 
> Anyway, here is the next chapter which is Eskild. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Again, English is not my first language so just beware.

Eskild first meets Isak at a lonely gay bar in the middle of the night. He hadn’t even planned to go out that night but then he had decided to just go out and have a few beers and maybe hook up with some random guy. That is not what happens but he is still happy he want out this night. He recognizes Isak the minute he walks up to the bar. He knows it’s a friend of Noora’s. One he has talked briefly with on Instagram. Noora and Eva had speculated about Isak’s sexuality and had asked Eskild about it. Eskild had chatted a bit with Isak but not about something involving Isak’s sexuality because that was something that wasn’t his or anyone else’s business. So he had told a slightly disappointed Eva and Noora that Isak was not gay and they had stopped nagging him about it.

Now when he sees Isak sitting at the bar, head hanging, he kind of feels like he has to do something. As he approaches he takes in Isak’s drunk appearance and quickly locks eyes with the bartender.

“You know he is a minor, right?” he says.

The bartender just shrugs like he couldn’t give a fuck as long as Isak pays for his drinks. Which it seems like Isak has. Isak is so drunk he doesn’t even notice Eskild approaching him until Eskild puts a hand on his shoulder. Then he immediately shoots up, almost knocking over his empty beer bottle.

“What the fuck,” Isak slurs. “Who the hell are you?”

Eskild smiles tightly and rescues the bottle from Isak flailing arms.

“Do you remember me?” he asks seriously.

Isak shakes his head and slumps down in his chair unhappily.

“We talked a bit on Instagram. I’m Eskild Noora’s friend. You know Noora right?”

“Mm,” Isak answers, clearly too drunk to really focus on the conversation.

Eskild sighs and looks around the bar. It is almost empty this close to closing but there are some regulars still there. One of them sits at a table at the corner of the bar, eying the both of them creepily. Eskild knows very well who this man is and it makes him nauseous to think about him trying to pick Isak up which undoubtedly would have happened had Eskild not turned up. He turns his attention back to Isak.

“How about we get out of here?” he asks.

Isak shakes his head stubbornly.

“NO,” he says loudly, trying to shake Eskilds hands off him.

Eskild lets go of him.

“Look, I don’t know what made you come here but I can’t leave you here like this. Not when I know something bad could happen to you,” Eskild says gently. “Let’s just go out and get some air and then we can talk some more?”

“Okay,” Isak mumbles.

It’s a bit of a chore to get Isak out and as soon as they are outside in the cold spring air the younger boy promptly throws up on the sidewalk. Eskild grimaces but tries his best not to grunt in disgust.

“Sorry,” Isak mutters as soon as he is done heaving.

“It’s okay,” Eskild reassures. “Let’s just get you home.”

The reaction is instant and as soon as Eskild mentions the word home, he can practically see the panic grow in Isak’s body. Both in his eyes and in the way his body tense up immediately.

“No, I can’t go home.” Isak says frantically. “No, don’t make me go home.”

The panic is evident in his eyes and voice and Eskild can’t help but feel for this boy. Whatever is making him afraid of going home must feel very real for Isak.

“Hey, it’s okay.” he says and tries to approach Isak to comfort him but Isak stumbles away from him.

“You can’t make me go home. You don’t understand. She… I just can’t. You should just leave me here.”

There is so much of himself hidden in Isak, a much younger version of himself who also was afraid and maybe that is why he simply can’t walk away. Instead he does the complete opposite.

-

“I’m so sorry,” Isak mumbles later that night back at Kollektivet, as he throws up for the second time that night.

Eskild doesn’t say anything but when Isak is done emptying his stomach into the toilet he takes the other him his room and puts him into his freshly made bed. When he is reassured that Isak has everything he needs (a glass of water and a bucket) and is fast asleep he tippy toes out of the room to sleep on the couch.

Isak leaves the next morning with another apology but only a few days later he is back. Eskild promises not to tell anyone but that also means having to hide Isak in the basement. The basement is cold, mouldy and drafty but Isak is thankful nonetheless. Thankful to not be forced to return home. It breaks Eskild’s heart to think that Isak would rather live in this shithole of a basement instead of at home but every time he tries to make Isak open up the boy withdraws. He guess for now the best he can do is make sure Isak is actually safe and have a roof over his head. He lends Isak some bedding and a few spare clothes and tells Isak that he is free to use the bathroom or kitchen any time he wants. Isak nods timidly and say thank you and sorry for what must be the hundredth time.

They make it work like that for a couple of weeks before Noora starts to get suspicious. Isak only ever comes up to the apartment to use the bathroom or shower when nobody but Eskild is home and most of the time Isak stays away from the basement all together. Eskild makes sure he eats and sometimes sneaks him some of his food. Sometimes he stays down there for a while. They talk about daily things like school and work and forms some sort of friendship. Isak spends more time at the apartment and on nights when Eskild knows Noora won’t be home he manages to make Isak stay for a couple of hours to have dinner and watch some TV. On one of those nights Isak finally opens up.

-

“My mom is kind of crazy,” Isak whispers without turning away from the TV. “She won’t stop screaming and yelling at me and she thinks the world is about to end and that all of the sinners will pay. My dad left us and I can’t take care of her. She refuses to get help and she gets so mad when I try to take her to the doctors. I know that makes me a horrible son but I can’t watch her destroy her life and mine. I just can’t”

There is so much resentment and anger in his voice but deep inside Eskild can also detect sadness and resignation. Therefor it is hard to be angry with Isak, despite his harsh words. If he scolds Isak now he is afraid Isak will run away again and god knows where he would end up then.

“It’s going to be okay, Isak,” he says instead. “We will figure something out.”

Then a week later Noora finds Isak’s belongings in the basement. Eskild lies about them, determined to keep Isak’s secret until Isak is ready for people to know.

“I could always move out,” Isak says when Eskild tells him about the incident with Noora but Eskild shakes his head firmly.

Isak smiles gingerly.

“I talked to my dad and he has agreed to pay my rent and stuff. And he will also try and look into getting my mom help.”

“That’s amazing, Isak,” Eskild says. “But that doesn’t mean you have to move out right now.”

Isak snorts lightly.

“I can’t live in your basement for the rest of my life, Eskild,” he says.

-

Eskild knows he is right. It’s not a sustainable solution for anyone and if the landlord knew about Isak they could all end up without a home. That wouldn’t be fair to Linn or Noora who has nothing to do with this. Still he is unwilling to let go of Isak. He has no idea why. Most of the time Isak is grumpy and reluctant to make conversation apart from casual small talk but then there are those rare moments when his guard is down and he opens up and shares some of his vulnerability. In so many ways it’s like Isak is the little brother Eskild never had. He knows the kind of secrets and insecurities Isak is hiding because he has been there himself.

It turns out they don’t have to worry about the landlord or Isak finding a new place to stay because in the beginning of summer Noora moves to London with William which leaves her room empty and Eskild and Linn in need of a new roommate. Linn doesn’t mind of course. She never minds anything as long as she is left alone and not bothered by loud noises which doesn’t seem to be a problem for Isak since he has spent over a month in a basement afraid of getting caught.

-

Eskild helps Noora pack with a lump in his throat. She has lived with them for so long and he is going to miss her so much when she is gone. She reassures him that they will keep in touch and that she will come and visit all the time but it still feels weird seeing her room so empty and sparse from all her personal belongings. But she is happy and that is the most important thing. Eskild might not be the biggest fan of William but he makes Noora happy and therefore it’s not Eskild’s place to interfere.

It feels slightly better though once Isak moves his things into the room. Eskild gets to meet Jonas who is Isak’s best friend and later Terje, Isak’s dad. The meeting with Jonas goes smoothly. Jonas is only there for room inspection and to make sure Eskild is a decent roommate for his best friend, he jokes as he helps Isak carry one of his boxes.

Meeting Terje is slightly more awkward. Isak is guarded the whole time, standing with his arms across his chest and unwilling to interact with his dad more than necessary. Eskild watches the man warily, trying to make out if he can trust the guy. For all he knows Terje walked out on his mentally ill wife and left his son to clean up the mess. But Terje seems to try even if Isak won't even meet his eyes. And he tells Eskild that he is willing to pay for the deposit and rent for a long as Isak lives with them.

-

It takes a few weeks before Isak seems completely relaxed in his new home. Instead of just walking between the kitchen and bathroom and his own room he seems to enjoy spending time with Eskild. He is absolutely rubbish at cooking so every once in a while Eskild makes sure to cook enough for both of them. Isak is also kind of messy and his room is nowhere near as neat as it once was. He also never does his dishes unless he is reminded and sometimes it takes a little too long before he does his laundry. Yet, Eskild likes having him around. He enjoys watching Isak make himself feel at home, he loves cooking occasional meals for the younger boy and he likes those weeknights in front of the TV when Isak grumpily agrees on spending time with Eskild after Eskild has bribed him with chips.

“Only because I don’t have any homework and my computer is upgrading,” Isak mutters grumpily and sits down on the opposite side of the couch.

“Oh I know you love this, baby-Jesus,” Eskild says teasingly.

“Whatever,” Isak says and turns his attention to the TV and stuffs his mouth full of chips.

-

The more Eskild gets to know Isak the more obvious it becomes that Isak is fighting a much harder inner battle than Eskild first thought. He knows that Isak has trouble sleeping at night, knows Isak is fighting with accepting his sexuality, knows Isak sometimes hates himself for leaving his mother and somehow thinks everything bad that happens is always his fault. He tries to reassure Isak as much as he can but nothing really seems to ease Isak’s anxiety and as autumn rolls around the corner and school starts again the shadows under Isak’s eyes grow darker and darker.

He spends more time in Isak’s room, subtly or not so subtly trying to get Isak to open up but Isak is persistent and closed in on himself. He tries to pry after Isak spends a whole weekend inside his room, weirdly secret about the fact that he is not alone. Not even when Eskild confronts him about meeting Even in the bathroom Isak is willing to talk to Eskild.

When Isak finally is ready, things doesn’t exactly go as planned. He had imagined a coming out moment where he could feel pride and happiness for Isak but instead those feelings are clouded by anger and disappointment. He knows that Isak’s clumsy and homophobic words are due to Isak’s own insecurities and internalized homophobia. It still angers him though, hearing Isak utter words like that and trying to distance himself from people that are Eskild’s friends and family – people that fights their whole life for people like Isak. 

So he lectures Isak harshly, watching Isak’s face fall until he looks like a kicked puppy. He waves off Isak’s attempt at an apology because at the moment he can’t really take it in. So he leaves Isak in his room, telling the younger boy he “doesn’t feel like talking to him anymore.” All while Isak hangs his head in shame.

The younger boy stays in the room for the rest of the night not even leaving to get something to eat. By the time Eskild receives a text from Isak with an apology, the following day, most of his anger is gone. Isak is quiet though, during the following days. Despite the fact that Eskild has forgiven him and has told him so a number of times Isak still seems to tippy toe through the apartment and spending most of the time in his room. He can tell that Isak has trouble sleeping again by the exhausted appearance of his friend. Therefore he is relieved when Isak approaches him, asking for a while.

“Say it, say Eskild is my guru,” Eskild says playfully trying to lighten up the mood.

Isak rolls his eyes, turning to leave.

“Fuck it,” he says.

“No okay Isak, Isak wait,” Eskild hurriedly calls out.

-

It turns out that Isak likes a guy who has a girlfriend. A guy who has spent a weekend with Isak, made some promises he wasn’t willing to keep and know keeps Isak on the hook.

He watches Isak’s face fall as he reveals his verdict on the situation, trying the back paddle by saying that he is no expert. For all he knows it could all be some sort of misunderstanding. He surely hopes so because he can’t stand Isak looking so damn miserable.

  
Then he meets Even for the second time. This time Even seems persistent on staying and while Isak is still sleeping he spends time cooking breakfast. They talk for a while before a confused Isak enters the room. Eskild watches Even’s face turn into the most beautiful smile of adoration as soon as he spots Isak and watch him kiss Isak is all the reassurance Eskild needs for now. And apparently that is also their queue to leave.

Having Even at the apartment is amazing and Eskild get used to it quickly. He is funny and nice and always up for a good talk but most importantly he makes Isak a completely different person – a happier person. Watching Isak snuggle up in Even’s arms or steal a shy kiss from him when Even is cooking for all of them makes Eskild’s chest swell with pride.

“You two are so adorable,” He says delightful watching Isak blush violently and Even only laughing and attacking Isak’s cheek and neck with soft pecks.

Later Isak is all wrapped up in Even’s face and he looks so drunk on love that Eskild is forced to take a picture.

“I will kill you if you post this,” Isak says but his smile is wide and happy.

Therefore Eskild is not prepared for the text Isak sends in the middle of the night that sends him running back to their apartment. Isak is absolutely distraught and it takes Eskild a good ten minutes before Isak is calm enough to talk properly. Linn is at her parents and Noora is out with the girls so thankfully it’s just the two of them home. He has no idea what happened and Isak refuses to tell him. All Eskild knows is that everything went to hell with Even and that it’s apparently Isak’s fault. He hates seeing Isak like this, even worse off than the day they first met. He puts Isak in the sofa and makes him some tea for now that seems to be the only good thing to do. Isak is quiet mostly, sniffing occasionally and blinking away his tears. After an hour or so he excuses himself and goes to his bedroom where he stays for the next few days.

-

“Do you need anything?”

Eskild peeks into Isak’s room where Isak sits in his bed. Isak looks absolutely devastated and he silently shakes his head and sniffles again. Eskild makes sure to leave Isak’s door slightly open and keeps checking on Isak throughout the next few days.

It turns out Even is apparently bipolar and that he had a manic episode that night. He ran out in the middle of the night naked, leaving Isak absolutely terrified. It didn’t really help that Even’s ex chew Isak out in the middle of the street, leaving him thinking that Even never loved him and that Isak is not good for him. It’s kind of the worse thing someone could ever say to Isak because Isak already has so much doubts about his own worth and has probably already doubted if he was worthy of Even’s love.

Isak is closed off and obviously devastated, his heartbreak beyond repair. He doesn’t talk and he doesn’t eat and for a week he looks completely miserable, worse off than Eskild has ever seen him. Then one night Isak comes back home with Even firmly in his arms and if Isak has been looking worn out and miserable, Even looks potentially even worse. It looks like Isak holding on to him is the only thing that keeps him from collapsing.

Only a few months ago Isak would probably have ran in the opposite direction if someone had told him his love interest had a mental illness. But Isak stays with Even, snuggles him in their bed, makes sure he has something to eat if he gets hungry and convinces Eskild, Noora and Linn to look after Even when Isak is forced to go to school. Eskild has never seen Isak so tender and caring before but with Even there is so much love and patience. Anyone who says that Isak isn’t good for Even is a liar.

-

It’s not easy but little by little Even starts to feel better. It takes some time, probably longer than Eskild had first anticipated but after a few weeks Even is back to his usual self. Eskild can tell that Isak is relieved to have this Even back because even if Isak had handled Even’s depressive episode pretty well he knew Isak had hated seeing Even like that.

Therefore, it makes him happy to see Even teaching Isak how to make a lemon meringue pie and Isak sitting on the counter watching his boyfriend bake. By now Even has almost moved into the apartment and Eskild don’t think that Isak and Even have spent more than a few nights without each other. No one is complaining though despite the apartment being too crowded. They can all see how happy Isak is.

-

“Even and I are moving in together,” Isak says tentatively one night when him and Eskild sit alone in the kitchen drinking some tea. “I mean not right away but we are going to look for apartments and stuff.”

Eskild feels empty for a second. He knows he should be happy for Isak and he is. He is so happy that Isak has found someone to spend the rest of his life with and he has no doubts that Even could be that person. It’s just, he will miss Isak so much.

“I’m sorry if that makes you sad or something,” Isak continues when Eskild remains silent. “It just makes sense you know. The flat is too crowded with all of us living here and it’s not fair to Noora that she has to sleep on the couch and I have her old room.”

  
Eskild forces himself to smile despite the lump in his throat.

“Oh Baby-Jesus, I’m not sad. I’m so happy for you and Even. I will miss you and your grumpiness though.”

That night Eskild is actually thankful that Even is at his parent’s house. If Isak is going to leave soon he is going to make sure he gets enough Isak time. He is not sure he will ever be ready to let go of his baby gay as he likes to refer Isak as.

-

In April Isak and Even officially move out. The boys help Isak move out. Eskild excuses himself with work that day but the truth is he cannot stand watching Isak pack up his things and leave. It’s Noora all over again and while she came back the likelihood of Isak ever living with them again seems non-existent. He and Isak share a moment the evening before instead. Even has gone back to his parents for a while to sort out his own things and Isak is in his room packing up his few belongings. Eskild stands watching in silence for a while before knocking quietly on the door. Isak looks up from his boxes, smiling softly.

“Hi,” he says.

“Can I come in?” Eskild asks trying to sound casual and cheerful but failing miserably.

Just watching Isak packing away is stuff makes Eskild teary eyed. He enters the room and sits down on Isak’s bed gesturing for Isak to sit down beside him.

“I just want to say thanks for taking me in,” Isak starts biting his lip. “Living here with you, Linn and Noora has been so amazing. I don’t know where I would have gone if you hadn’t found me that day and I just want you to know that really appreciate what you did for me even when you didn’t need to.”

He looks at Eskild slightly teary eyed.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” his voice wavers.

“Oh, come here,” Eskild says and leans over to give Isak a hug. “I’m going to miss you to, baby-jesus. But you are going to move in with the love of your life and I’m so proud of how far you have come since that night I first met you,” he continues and wraps his arm around Isak’s back feeling the younger boy do the same.

“And don’t think for a second that this means you get out of your monthly guru-sessions or that I won’t force you to come here every week for dinner because I’m not prepared to let go of you just because Even is taking you away.”

They eventually let go of eachother, both with tears in their eyes.

“Thanks for everything, Eskild,” Isak whispers. “You are the best guru I ever had.”

The next day he has to hold back tears at work when he realises that Isak will be gone by the time he gets home. He is happy though, for Isak and for Even. It’s just difficult to imagine that the guy he randomly ran in to in a gay bar on a night when he hadn’t even planned to go out in the first place, could end up meaning so much to him. If someone had told him just that all those months ago he wouldn’t have believed them. But this grumpy and miserable boy who ran away from his mother and would rather stay in a mouldy basement than go back to her has truly made his way straight to Eskild’s heart and in the process he has grown so, so much. Even though he is messy, cranky and difficult most of the time he is part of Eskild’s family and Eskild would never want it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is, chapter 2. I really liked writing this chapter and hopefully you liked it. I had a very clear vision about this chapter in my head from the beginning and I think it turned out okay. 
> 
> If you have the time, leave kudos or comments to let me know what you thought. 
> 
> Take care!


	3. Sana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter which I struggled with a lot. I don't know why but I have rewritten parts of it so many times and I still don't think it as as good as the first two chapters. It was difficult because Sana was a main and there was so much to her story I wanted to include but at the same time the story is about Isak so I didn't want to include too much. I could easily have ended up with 15 k on this chapter but I had to cut out a lot of things. Hopefully it turned out okay. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you to all of you who have read, left kudos or commented. It means the world to me. Again English is not my first language so please bear with me.

To be honest Sana doesn’t think much of Isak during their first year at Nissen. She knows he is best friends with Jonas but that is about it. He seems like he is just like every other boy in school which doesn’t impress or interest her all that much. He likes to party and smoke weed and probably isn’t all that bothered with school work or getting good grades. He seems more interested in hooking up with girls and apparently arrange fights.

Before second year Sana has never spoken to him. Sure they say hello to each other when they bump into each other but they don’t ever talk. Sana is pretty sure they wouldn’t have anything in common anyway. He doesn’t seem like a person Sana would like spending time with.

-

Her first real impression of Isak is anything but nice. Isak hides his weed at Eva’s house to save his own skin from the police. Sana ends up taking the weed herself because she is not going to let her friend get into trouble even if Isak seem willing to do just that.

He annoys her further when he tries to talk his way out of it when she confronts him about it. She is going to use it against him though, because he is obviously desperate.

“Do you think this is a fucking Narcos episode or something?,” Isak asks clearly annoyed with her unwillingness to just hand him the weed.

Sana just smirks and tells him her conditions, feeling quite badass when she does it. She knows how important Kosegruppa is to Vilde so she is going to make sure she does anything she can to get people to turn up to the first meeting. If it takes some blackmailing she will do it.

Her victory doesn’t feel very lasting though because now she is forced to work with Isak on the next biology project which is just her luck. It feels like instant karma. 

-

It doesn’t take long, however, before Sana realises that despite the fact that Isak likes to party and smoke weed, he is also dedicated to his school work, and particularly biology where he always challenges her. He is still grumpy and stubborn and never wants to admit when he is wrong which leads to a few heated discussions between the two of them.

It is also obvious that something is bothering him and most of the time it looks like he is about to fall asleep any minute. It annoys her when he obviously doesn’t listen to her when she is talking but instead focus on his phone with a deep frown on his face. And then there is his ignorance.

“No offence but how can you believe?” Isak asks. “It’s 2016 and you are a smart girl. Can’t you realise that it’s just nonsense?”

“Is there something about my religion that bothers you?” she demands narrowing her eyes on him.

Just religion in general it turns out or perhaps believing in general. Isak doesn’t really seem found of religion.

“No just that you believe that somethings are right and wrong and it’s a god that gets to decide. Like homosexuality or eating hot dogs,” he says a bit hesitantly.

He seems to think that she can’t think critically just because she has her faith as if that made her completely incompetent of having her own values.

“What about homosexuality?,” she questions. “That is a genetically dead end. So maybe it isn’t genetic but a mental illness or a choice. Have you thought about that?”

Isak shrugs.

“I don’t know. I don’t go around thinking about homosexuality all the time,” he says frantically.

“Then maybe you should respect that we have our own believes instead of criticizing my religion,” Sana concludes.

“Whatever,” Isak says.

Then Emma walks up to them and Sana watches amused how much Isak wishes Emma would just disappear. When Emma walks of and Isak looks up at Sana, questioning her pleased look, she just smirks.

-

“It’s D,” Isak says confidently and is about to mark the answer on their paper.

He seems pretty sure he is right which is funny because Sana is also pretty sure that she is right. And it’s definitely not D.

“It’s A,” she says but Isak shakes his head.

They spend a good few minutes arguing about their answer, neither of them prepared to give up. Isak rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Just trust me, Sana,” he sighs.

“I trust myself and it’s A,” Sana retorts. Why does he have to be so stubborn all the time?

Isak picks is phone up to google the answer.

“I know it’s A,” Sana insists once again and Isak sighs tossing his phone on the table.

Isak end up writing both of their answers down just as his phone lights up with an incoming message. She can’t help but reading it despite knowing it is none of her business. Isak is busy writing down his answer and doesn’t notice her at first.

“What was your name again?” he smirks.

His face sinks instantly when he notice where Sana’s attention is at and Sana can’t help but feel bad for him. In a matter of seconds all his confidence is gone and he fumbles to put his phone back into his pocket and struggles to read the next question. In a matter of second he has turned from the snarky partner she has come to enjoy banter with to someone who looks like he wishes to disappear in to the ground.

-

There is a rumour going round that Isak is gay. Apparently that girl Emma who has been following Isak around for a while now told her friend and now the whole school seems to know. Sana knows that it’s like to have the whole school talk about you behind your back and it’s a horrible feeling she wouldn’t’ wish on anyone.

Despite the rumours, things seem a bit better for Isak for a while. He seems happier and more at ease even though people are gossiping about him and Even. Even who used to spend every afternoon at her house, Even who disappeared without a trace after what happened at Bakka. She was surprised to see him at their school but relieved nonetheless. Relieved and beyond happy to see him alive and so well after what happened.

The rumours that Isak and Even are dating are not surprising to her. After all she has seen them steal glances at each other from across the room on more than one occasion and after getting to know Isak better she has no objections if the rumours are true. Isak might be a bit clueless and dense sometimes but she knows that he has a good heart and would never do anything to hurt anybody on purpose.

-

“Did you see the link I sent you?” Sana asks as he sits down next to him in the almost empty classroom.

“No, what was it?” he asks, sounding distracted and uninterested.

Sana sighs.

“It was an article,” she lets on, trying to spark some enthusiasm in him but her attempt falls flat because Isak remains equally distracted when he answers.

“What was it about?”

She sighs again.

“It was an article about research on evolution and homosexuality, like we discussed a few weeks ago.” She begins trying to see if Isak is listening. “Look, I’m not wrong often but it turns out I was wrong about that. Homosexuality actually has a natural part in evolution. There has been a lot of research on it. So yeah I was wrong.”

Isak smiles slightly.

“What about Islam? Anything new there or is it still the same?” he asks a bit hesitantly.

Sana sighs again before answering.

“Islam says what it always has said. That people all over the world has the same worth.”

Isak looks like he wants to believe her but is afraid of doing so and Sana realises there might be more to Isak’s reluctance about religion than she first thought and that there might be a deeper reason for his hesitation and fear.

“Hate doesn’t come from religion, it comes from fear,” she says.

-

Then Isak texts her and tells her he is skipping school and asks her to take notes for him. When he asks him if everything is all right he never answers. At the same time there is a new rumour about Even and what happened at Bakka. Vilde tells them in her usual cheerful voice as if their discussion concerns a new pair of shoes and not Even’s life.

Sana gives Vilde an angry look which makes her friend stop talking abruptly. Sana doesn’t have the energy to say anything else. Besides, if the girls knew she knows Even they would be far more prying and she knows Even wouldn’t want anyone to know. Not even Isak.

When Isak finally comes back he looks like he hasn’t slept at all. Sana doesn’t want to pry but tries to reassure him that she is there for him if he needs her. By now she is pretty sure that something has happened with Even since the older boy is absent in school. She tries not to worry too much, but it’s hard with last time in mind. She just hopes that whatever has happened Isak will find a way to be there for Even and for himself. She knows by now that Isak is stronger than she first thought so if anyone is strong enough its Isak. Even though he doesn’t seem to believe so himself.

Even doesn’t come back to school before the Christmas celebration with Kosegruppa but Isak seems to feel better and better every day so hopefully things will turn out okay.

When she turns up at Kollektivet for the celebration, the apartment is already full of people and Isak smirks as he opens the door.

“Late again, are we?” he teases before stepping aside and letting her in.

“I’m not late,” she says. “I’m never late.”

Isak just rolls his eyes and she follows him inside and joins everyone in the living room.

She spends some time with the girls before deciding to find Isak. After all she has a Christmas present to deliver. She finds him in the kitchen, busy kissing Even. As soon as Isak notices her approaching them his face lights up in a happy smile.

“Sana!” he says excitedly.

“I have a present for you,” she says.

She gives him the small package she has been holding on to, looking at him as he unwraps it.

His face lights up in another smile when he fishes up the small package of weed.

“The ten percent” he says, giggling happily.

“What a cool biology partner.” Even remarks taking the weed out of Isak’s hands

She stays until late, helping Isak and Noora cleaning up long after the party has ended and Even have descended back into Isak’s room, needing some quiet after the long night.

“Good night, Sana” Isak says when she leaves. He has followed her outside to take the trash out at the same time.

“Thank you for the present, you really are the coolest biology partner and the nicest.” He smirks at her. “Even though I’m clearly the best at biology.”  
She rolls her eyes at him but on the inside she actually feels happy. She would never let Isak know about that though.

“Good night, “She answers smiling, “Merry Christmas, Isak.”

-

In late March Isak asks Sana if she wants to help him and Even move into their new place and Sana has to say she is a bit surprised that they are already moving in together because they have only been dating for a few months and Isak is only 17.

“It makes sense,” Isak says stubbornly as if he can sense her hesitation and is afraid she will judge him. “And Noora will finally get her room back.”

Sana smiles and tells him she is happy for both of them. Which she really is. Watching Isak grow in only a few months and become a much happier person thanks to Even and watching Even so happy and full of joy means more to her than she is willing to admit.

It’s funny how quickly their roles are reversed and Isak is the one to support her through her struggles.

-

As spring rolls around Sana starts feeling slightly left out in her group of friends. At first it is just little things. Like when Eva offers Sana a slice of pizza with pepperoni. Eva seems to realise her mistake but then she offers Sana another pizza that Sana won’t be able to eat. She doesn’t know why it upsets her so much but they have known each other for a year and a half so they should know by now, she thinks. She doesn’t want to complain though so she silently removes the pieces of beefs.

The truth is that Sana has probably always felt a bit left out in her group of friends but it isn’t until recently she has started to feel it more. She is always the odd one out. She knows they try their best and they never mean to be ignorant of her feelings but sometimes she can’t help but feel like she doesn’t belong with them and their Norwegian culture. It’s not their fault of course but at the same time it’s not like they have made a real effort to try to know more about her and the things that are important to her. It’s always just her making efforts to participate in whatever they want.

It’s a bit different with Isak. Not because he is a better friend than they are or know her better but because he is more uncomplicated to hang out with. When they hang out they focus on school and mostly do their assignments together. Sometimes they have coffee and talk about other things than school but other than that they don’t share much private stuff. Yet, recently she has come to realise that she is far more relaxed with him than her friends. Isak never forces her to listen to endless stories about his and Even’s sex life or how drunk he was the past weekend. Isak never comments that she can’t have sex or can’t drink or be russ because Isak doesn’t really care about those things.

-

“I have a sister named Lea,” Isak says once over coffee. “She lives with my dad and I hardly ever see her.”

He looks at her, smiling sadly.

It’s probably the most private thing he has ever shared with her and it makes her feel honoured because she knows how rare it is for him to share personal things.

Things get even worse when her friends meet her brother and his friends. Suddenly her life is so much more important in their eyes. Before they didn’t even know Elias existed because they always forgets that she has two brothers and not one.

The problem is that one of Elias’ friends is Yousef whom Sana has had a crush on for the past half year. He has been friends with Elias for years but not until recently have she started notice him more. Sometimes if she is studying in the kitchen and he walks in to the room to collect something to drink they talk for a bit. He is shy and sweet and every time he smiles at her she can feel tiny butterflies in her stomach.

The only problem is that Yousef is interested in Noora and Noora seems pretty interested in him as well.

“Isn’t that guy called…Mikael?”

Sana is so busy staring at the picture of Yousef and Mikael that she doesn’t realise what Isak is also looking at the picture before he startles her with his question. She immediately shuts the lid on her laptop.

“How do you know him?” Isak asks, still curious.

Sana knows what he is doing. He is prying, trying to find out more about Even and he has probably stumbled upon Mikael sometime and now he is trying to dig deeper. Sana pretends to ignore him and points towards the front of the classroom where their teacher is about to start their lecture.

Sana tries to busy herself with the russ bus, trying to prove to herself and others that she can be a part of the Norwegian culture and even if she knows it is a bad idea she agrees to let the Pepsi max girls join their bus. In the middle of all this she is starting to fall in love with Yousef for real when he teaches her to peel carrots in her kitchen. He smiles so wildly at her when he tells her he wants to a have 12 kids so that he can have a football team with them.

-

“I heard you and Isak talked about Mikael.”

Even is towering over her next to her locker. He looks at her expectedly but she can see the fear in his eyes. Fear that she has told Isak something he is not ready to let his boyfriend know yet.

She swallows thickly.

“I didn’t tell him anything,” she says, voice coming out a bit desperate.

Even seems to relax a little bit, however, because he smiles lightly.

“How are the boys?” he asks softly.

Sana thinks he must miss them as much as they miss him and all she really wants to do is reassure him that they would want him back in their life as soon as he is ready.

“They are good,” she says. “Elias is such a free-loader though, still living off mom and dad.”

Even smiles fondly.

When Isak approaches him seconds later Even leans in to kiss Isak awkwardly on the cheek. Sana can see the suspicion grow on Isak’s face at Even’s weird behaviour and she can tell he knows that Even is lying to him. For some reason though Isak chooses not to bug, instead he invites the two of them to McDonalds.

-

Yousef is not a muslim and it feels like a sucker punch. Yousef is the perfect guy in every way and now, according to her religion, she can’t be with him. Sana feels like she might cry. Especially considering the russ meeting that turned out into such a fiasco.

“You are lucky that doesn’t have to think about stuff like heartbreak,” Noora says a few days later and it feels so cruel and ironic.

  
She knows that Noora is hurting over William but she just wishes her friend wasn’t so ignorant. But most of all she just wishes she could talk to Noora about her feelings.

-

“You know Even tried to commit suicide?” Yousef asks and Sana nods.

It’s such a beautiful spring night. Just the two of them, walking home from Kollektivet after leaving a drunk Elias in Eskild’s care. They play basketball in the sunset and after playing for a half an hour they sit down on a bench. Yousef is the one who breaks the silence.

“Islam made him think that his sexuality was a sin” he continues. “He tried to kiss Mikael who freaked out. He is pretty religious you know so Even tried to cure himself by reading the Quran. Then he posted these quotes on social media about gays burning in hell.”

Yousef looks at her seriously.

“It made me question Islam and religion. It creates so much anxiety in people.”

Sana swallows thickly.

“But Even was sick when he did that,“ she says softly.

-

Yousef picks up a flower for her which she puts in her hijab and afterwards he walks her home. She wants doesn’t really want to say goodbye but she can feel her mother’s look of disapproval from the kitchen window. She knows that her parents will never approve of Yousef now. Not after that stupid party she held when Yousef took the blame for that stupid bottle of vodk. When he destroyed the image of himself for ever. 

Sana knows there is something shady going on with Sara and the buss but none of her friends believe her when she tells them. She is starting to regret agreeing to fuse with Pepsimax especially when she realise how well Vilde and Eva seem to fit into those girls.

There is a karaoke event at Syng and Sana watches a nervous Even step up onto the stage, starting to sing Imagine, voice a bit shaky. She watches Isak smiling both proudly and fondly at his boyfriend the whole time. Then Even is stumbling over the words and looks like a dear caught in headlight. Sana turns around and notices Elias and his friends walking in which is definitely the source of Even’s anxiety. Sana wants to smack herself for inviting them here but she hadn’t known Isak and Even would be there because karaoke seems to be something that Isak despites.

But Isak, the sweet boyfriend he is, is immediately at Even’s side, wrapping his arm around him and singing with him. Even visibly relaxes and for a moment everything is okay.

Until Noora confronts her about knowing about Williams new girlfriend and not telling her. Until Yousef runs up to her and tells her that Elias is in a fight forcing her to leave Noora standing and hurrying outside. Until she sees the blood on Isak’s face.

She reaches out worriedly to touch his face lightly, feeling his thick blood coat her fingers. He gasps in pain. Even is fully focused on Isak, a firm but gentle hand on Isak’s shoulder.

“We need to get you to the hospital,” he says gently, turning to the rest of the boys. “Are you guys coming?”

“Of course,” They all hum.

Sana watches them leave. During the last two minutes neither of them has acknowledge her presence and now she is left alone again, heart hammering in her chest and breathing picking up when she spots Isak’s blood on her hands. This is all her fault.

In a matter of minutes her life has been turned upside down and she has no-one to blame but herself. Isak has been hurt by her brother and Even has been forced to confront his old friend’s in the worst way possible. All because Sana was selfish and just thought about herself. She is being set up and is going to lose the bus because she was naïve enough to trust Sara. Apparently Elias hurt Isak because he is homophobic. The final punch in the gut is watching Noora and Yousef kiss each other.

-

She pretty much ignores everyone the next few days. She ignores Elias, furious with him for hurting her friend. She contemplates texting Isak to ask how he is doing because she is worried about him but she is honestly a bit afraid that he might be angry with her.

The next time she sees him is in the school yard. He and Even are walking hand in hand and despite the fact that he is still spotting a black eye they both look happy and in love.

She announces to the girls that she has dropped out of the bus and that being a russ is not important to her anymore, leaving them both chocked and confused. They are not happy with her decision but she ignores their protests leaving them hanging. She is still angry and upset with them for not listening to her and never taking her feelings into consideration.

She is still angry when she sits down next to Isak in the classroom, giving him a pissed off look which makes him reach up to remove the dandelion that Even has put in his hair. Sana knows she is being unfair, because none of this is his fault. If anything she should apologize to him.

“How’s your face?” she asks a bit more calmly.

“It’s fine,” Isak says awkwardly.

“I’m sorry about...”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine” Isak interrupts quickly as if he doesn’t really want to talk about it so she drops it.

Their teacher starts to talk but Sana only listen half-heartedly until Isak speaks up again, earning his attention.

“Please Sana, you have to help me, I’m so behind,” he begs.

“You need to learn the hard truth,” Sana comments coldly, looking straight ahead.  
Isak frowns.

“That I will get a four?” he tries.

“That you are alone,” Sana says stoically.

Isak frowns at her again, looking down at his book and she ignores him for the rest of the lesson. Even when he tries to make some small talk and as soon as the lesson is done she leaves him behind without even saying goodbye.

Sana is standing by the window, looking over the school yard as Vilde is hugging Sara. It hurts seeing them because she had honestly thought that she meant more to them than that. That if she dropped out of the bus they would be more supportive or at least try to figure out why she is dropped out.

-

“Have Sara stolen your friends?”

Sana jumps, looking to her side only to find Isak standing next to her. His eyes looks slightly better and he is smiling at her, indicating that he isn’t mad about her foul mood before.

“No,” she snaps.

“I was joking,” Isak answers before he looks out of the window at the girls downstairs.

“Fake, fake, fake,” he mumbles to himself. “Sara doesn’t even like Vilde.”

Sana looks up at him, confused.

“How do you know?” she asks.

“Because she talks about her behind her back,” Isak explains.

“To you?” Now Sana feels even more confused.

Isak nods.

“We used to date,”

Suddenly Sana remembers that she had seen him with Sara a few times last year but to be honest she had not cared about either of them back then. 

“How could you even stand dating her?” she questions.

Isak smirks.

“It wasn’t a very sexual relationship,” he says lifting an eyebrow. “We mainly talked. I was more like her online therapist. Should have gotten paid.”

-

When she sees Vilde commenting about Sara being the best russ boss and them discussing why she choose to drop off she can practically feel her blood boil inside. Sara is such a racist bitch. Worst of all, VIlde doesn’t say anything to defend her. Her chest and whole body fills with rage and all she wants to do is call Sara out on her lies. Instead she forces herself to calm down. Instead an idea forms in her head and she texts Isak to ask if he wants help with the exam.

-

On Friday afternoon she finds herself ringing the doorbell to Isak and Even’s apartment. It’s Isak who opens the door, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of pants she has never seen him wear before. Even joins him in the door way.

“Hi, Sana,” they both greet her in unison, beaming like dorks, dressed completely the same and so in love that it is almost ridiculous.

She follows them inside, looking around the tiny apartment while Even rumbles around the small room, looking for something. She doesn’t listen to their conversation.

“Bye, Sana. Remember you are geniuses” Even says before he leaves and after he has kissed Isak good bye.

Sana spends the following 20 minutes trying to explain one of the most basic things for their exam but Isak, for some reason, seems incredibly slow today.

“Aren’t you going to offer me something to drink,” she asks finally, realising that she won’t get anywhere with him in a long time.

“I can give you something to drink. What would you like?” he asks.

“Some tea,” she answers.

Isak nods.

“I can make you tea,” he says standing up to leave for the kitchen.

As soon as he has left the room she grabs his computer quickly opening his conversation with Sara on Facebook but suddenly Isak turns up in the doorway.

“What are you doing?” he frowns.

“I was just looking for Wi-Fi,” She lies, already hating herself a bit for doing this to Isak.

Isak frowns again but gives her the Wi-Fi and disappears into the kitchen again to make her some green tea. A minute later he returns with a cup of tea. Sana eyes the cup, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

“Did you use hot tap water?” She asks judgementally while she lifts her spoon.

Isak seems a bit taken back by her comment because he frowns. 

“We don’t have a kettle so I don’t know how Even makes his tea.” he excuses himself.

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t do it this way” Sana comments watching Isak’s face falter slightly, looking a bit hurt by her words.

She knows she is downright awful to him at the moment, using him for her own stupid agenda and not even being nice to him in the process.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew Even” Isak asks, playing with the pen in his hand.

“I knew you would ask more question and dig into it further,” she replies honestly.

“And what’s the danger in that?” Isak asks innocently.

“I think Even should get to choose for himself what to share about his past,” she says. “Not everyone wants to reveal everything about the past.”  
Isak nods, smiling at her.

“You are a good friend,” he says looking like he honestly mean it which makes her feel even worse for betraying him.

-

It all goes to hell despite her planning. She sets up the Instagram account, exposing what a fake person Sara is who talk about her friends behind their back constantly. She expects people to get angry at Sara but instead they barely seem to care. It only gets worse when she approaches her friends comforting a distraught Vilde. Apparently someone has now made an Instagram account about Vilde as a form of revenge. Vilde is inconsolable, deadly afraid that Magnus will break up with her. It breaks Sana’s heart to see Vilde so upset and she has never felt worse in her life. The guilt is eating her alive.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Isak asks as he is towering over her, his face full of disappointment and disapproval and he has never felt smaller next to him.

They walk the short walk to the park in silence, taking a seat on one of the benches.

“Wasn’t you the one who said you hated people who fucked over their friends?” Isak asks, smiling slightly.

“I’m sorry,” is all Sana can say. “I never meant for this to affect you.”

It is true, she hadn’t really thought anyone would realise the screen shots was from Isak’s account which, in hindsight, seems pretty naïve. Especially for her.

“I don’t care about what Sara says about me,” Isak says. “But it would have been nice of you to ask before you went through my private conversations.”

They talk for a while, Sana finally opens up about the situation with Sara and the frustrations and feelings she has been hiding lately. Even if Isak doesn’t seem to fully grasp the racism she faces on a daily basis when she tells him about it he tries to understand her and he tries to cheer her up. It feels good to finally have someone who listens to her.

Someone who, just like her, has struggled to fit in. She is glad she has him in her life. Especially know when everything is so messy and she is not sure where she stands with her friends.

“Who would have thought,” Isak says, “The gay guy and the Muslim, best buds.”

He smiles at her but Sana gives him a quizzed look.

“We are not best buds,” She says.

Isak raises an eyebrow.

“Seriously? We’re buds?” He questions.

“Okay we are buds.” She agrees, smiling.

Isak smiles to himself.

“Best buds,” He repeats.

“Who’s your best friend?” He asks after a while.

She used to think it was Noora or Chris but recently they both feel so far away from her and she feels so disconnected from them both. Half a year ago she would have said they were her best friends but know she don’t think she has one.

“Of course you have,” Isak says, smiling softly at her.

It makes her feel slightly better inside but even if Isak doesn’t blame her and their talk have made her feel even closer to him, she still feels guilty about her friends blaming Isak.

-

“I honestly thought he had changed,” Eva says not even trying to hide her disapproval.

It feels so unfair that he has to, and is willing to take the blame for what she has done. Especially when she learns that Isak could get into trouble in school. She decides to do the right thing. Only instead of texting Chris she accidently texts Eva. This time she is pretty sure she has lost them for good.

“They will come around,” Isak tries to comfort her. “And if they don’t then it’s their loss. You are a good friend and if they can’t realise it and forgive you for one mistake then they are stuck with Sara instead. I wouldn’t trade you for her. Even for money. ”

He is trying to cheer her up but the truth is Sana has to fight not to cry.

“You will always have me and Even,” Isak says softly.

-

Just as fast as her life fell apart it seems to rebuild again. In matter of minutes it feels like she has her friends back and it feels amazing. It feels like she can finally breathe again and that nothing else matters than she and her friends.

They celebrate Eva’s birthday and Sana watches from a far how Elias and his friends approach Even and the boy squad and how after a few minutes of awkwardness and tension they break into smiles and hugs. An hour later Isak, Even, Mikael and Elias are playing croquet together and Mahdi and Elias who were so angry with each other a few weeks earlier engage in a dance battle against each other. She and Noora has a talk where Noora reveals why she and Yousef have been talking. All in all it’s a very good night.

A few weeks later they celebrate Isak’s birthday in the park, and another few days later they all celebrate Eid at her house. Her friends and Elias' friends along with her parent’s friends and family. Sana couldn’t be happier. She is on good terms with her friends again, Yousef keeps texting her pictures from Turkey, promising her to show her in person one day and she watches her best bud sit next to his boyfriend eating the same food Even used to eat every other day only a couple of years ago. It feels weird thinking about it, that Even used to be friends with Elias and now he isn’t only that but also Isak’s boyfriend. Sana’s best bud's boyfriend and her brother's best friend.

“Do you want come have breakfast with us tomorrow morning?” Isak asks later that night. “Even is making pancakes. Elias can come too if he wants to.”

He looks at her a bit timidly as if he is afraid she will say no and to be honest if anyone and asked her a year ago if she would ever eat breakfast with Isak Valtersen, she would have rolled her eyes at them. She would have laughed if anyone suggested that she would be friends with him but now it feels like they have always been friends. The gay guy and the Muslim girl.

“I’d love too,” She says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is Sana's chapter. Hopefully it was okay even though there are parts I'm not completely happy with. 
> 
> If you have the time and want to, please leave kudos or a comment :) it makes me happy. Otherwise thank you for taking the time to read :) 
> 
> The next chapter is almost done and have started writing the 5th so hopefully I will be able to update within a week or a bit earlier. I will try my best. Any guesses who's chapter is up next? 
> 
> Take care :)


	4. Eva

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Eva. I struggled with this chapter a lot too for the same reason as chapter 3 but no matter how much time I spent editing it never turned out the way I had it in my head at first. Eva is actually the character I relate to the most so I'm a bit disappointed with myself that this chapter didn't come out the way I wanted. But oh well. 
> 
> Thank you again to all of you who has read, commented and left kudos. It means the world to me. And I hope you will enjoy this chapter even if I struggled with it.

At first Isak and Eva are just classmates, then they are just the best friends when Ingrid and Jonas start dating and kind of forced to hang out together. A lot of the time when all four of them spend time together it ends up with the two of them awkwardly watching when Ingrid and Jonas snuggle on the couch together during a movie night or when they steal happy glances at each other over the dinner table. It doesn’t take long, however, until Isak is one of her best friends. He is mostly laid back, likes to go to get coffee or spend time talking to her instead of joining Jonas in the skateboard park. Isak likes to tease her sometimes about her Bergen accent but it is never in a mean way her old classmates did when she first moved to Oslo. When Isak teases her it is in an endearing way. 

She and Isak have one thing in common; absent parents. Eva’s mother works all the time and is almost never home for more than three days in a row. Eva may have a pretty house but in the end it feels lonely living like that. Isak’s dad seem to be working all the time too. At first it is Jonas who tells her about Isak’s mother. On a day when Isak seems quiet and down. He tells her about Isak’s mother previous breakdowns, and how it sometimes makes Isak a bit down and stressed out. 

“But he doesn’t like to talk about it,” Jonas says and she nods. She wouldn’t want to talk about it either probably. 

Eva, Ingrid, Jonas and Isak do many things together, and sometimes Sara joins them. It’s a weird feeling, knowing that Isak and Sara used to date. Now Isak seems to roll his eyes at everything she has to say, which sometimes, Eva has to agree, is pretty stupid. 

“Why were you so gloomy today?,” Isak asks over skype one night. 

He calls her almost immediately after she gets home, only five minutes after saying bye to him. She laughs at first asking if he misses her already. He laughs too but then he turns serious, watching her through the web came. 

“I’m was not gloomy,” Eva says even though it’s probably not true. It’s just that this time someone noticed. 

“I know you, Eva.” Isak says. “I know when you are happy and when you are not and you have been so quiet lately.” 

Maybe she has. She has really tried act normal but it gets equally difficult trying to stay happy while watching Ingrid and Jonas together. 

“I don’t know,” She shrugs. “I’m just a bit tired that’s all.” 

She doesn’t have the energy to explain to Isak, afraid he will judge her for starting to fall in love with her best friend’s boyfriend.

“Yeah tell me about it,” Isak answers, trying to conceal a well-timed yawn. “But you know you can tell me if something is bothering you?” 

She nods. 

“Yeah of course, thanks, Isak.”

Two months later she and Jonas are dating behind Ingrid’s back and three months later she is left alone without her two best friends. She only have Jonas and Isak. And while she is happily in love with Jonas and Isak is supporting and cheering on their new relationship it is hard without her friends. 

The month before they start Nissen is great, despite the fact that Ingrid and Sara refuse to speak to her. At least during the summer she won’t have to face them and can instead spend time doing other things. She and Jonas are in love and he is amazing in so many ways. They go to Eva’s summer cabin and take a trip to Bergen to visit Eva’s grandmother.  


When they are in Oslo they spend a lot of time with Isak. Eva knows he has a hard time at home and that his mother is unstable so whenever Jonas asks if Isak can tag along she doesn’t feel like she can say no. After all Isak has been a good friend through all this mess with Ingrid so the least she can do is return the favour. 

“Is everything alright?” She asks as she watches Isak read a text with a deep frown on his face. 

He shrugs unhappily. 

“Yeah,” He mumbles keep his face down. 

As Jonas approaches them he notices his best friend and gives Eva a concerned glance. She shrugs back. 

While summer is amazing, starting at a new school without any friends is not. Ingrid is still there of course but besides sending angry and betrayed daggers towards Eva, she doesn’t even acknowledge her presence. Eva feels lonely despite Jonas and Isak and longs for her friendship with Ingrid. Jonas doesn’t understand her and almost seems annoyed when she is upset about feeling lonely which only makes her feel sadder and more pathetic. 

They go to her cabin again during autumn break. Eva had hoped it would be the two of them but it turns out Isak is feeling down again and Jonas doesn’t want him to leave him behind so Eva reluctantly agree to let Isak join. The smile on Isak’s face makes it almost worth it. 

As soon as they arrive Eva kind of wishes they had never gone in the first place. Firstly, Isak walks in on Eva and Jonas as they are about to have sex which is just embarrassing.  


Then she finds a text from Ingrid on Jonas’ phone which makes her heart clench in her chest. 

“Can’t you play I’m yours?” Isak asks. 

They are sitting by the lake in the sunset. Eva is grilling marshmallows and Jonas is playing on his guitar. It could have been a good night if it wasn’t for the fact that Eva’s mind is pre occupied with thoughts about Ingrid and Jonas. 

“You only know gay songs,” Jonas replies.

“Shut up,” Isak says defensively. “Is that a gay song?”

“No” Eva comments. 

When Jonas phone rings and he walks away to take the call Eva takes her chance. 

“What’s the thing with Jonas and Ingrid?” She asks. 

“You have to ask Jonas,” Isak says look at her curiously. “Why do you ask?” He continues after a while. 

“I saw a text on his,” She explains. “I know you know something.” 

Isak looks at her biting his lip.

“Can’t you tell me?” Eva pleads “I promise I won’t be mad or tell Jonas you told me. Are they texting?”

Isak looks hesitant. 

“Maybe a bit,” He confirms. 

It doesn’t make her feel better at all. 

“Why do I get to sleep with the homo?” Elias remarks and Eva can see Isak’s face fall for a fraction of a second. 

“Why do everybody say I’m gay?” Isak asks, clearly annoyed. 

“Because you are gay,” Elias says.

Eva waits for Jonas to defend his best friend but Jonas does nothing.

“He is just joking,” Jonas sighs. “Have some humour.” 

Isak looks at him, disappointment clear on his face. Then he shakes his head and follows Elias back inside. Eva gives Jonas a look of disapproval and he shrugs at her. 

It’s like he is so obsessed with being Elias friend that all he cares about is pleasing him and he doesn’t care if he becomes a completely different person because of it. As soon as Elias is around he acts like a complete jerk which she tells him while they argue at the dinner table while both Isak and Elias watches awkwardly. 

Things turns even worse when they get back home. Despite the fact that Eva has “found herself some new friends” and all of them are amazing, she still feels bad. She is almost certain that Ingrid and Jonas are seeing each other behind her back and after that text at the cabin Jonas has acted weird and suspicious. They continue to fight and he shifts from being the guy she fell in love with to ignoring her or make fun over in front of his friends and every time she snaps back he asks why she is so pissed. In addition he clearly lies to her which only makes her feel more suspicious and insecure about his situation with Ingrid. If he could cheat on Ingrid with her why not the other way around?

She invites Isak for coffee in order to ask him if he knows anymore. She knows she is probably putting him in a weird position as he is Jonas best friend but at the same time she needs to know and Isak has been rooting for Eva and Jonas since he found out they were seeing each other, even when it was behind Ingrid’s back. If anyone can help her it is Isak. 

“Did something happen on Friday?” Isak asks. 

“No I just wondered what you did,” Eva lies. 

Isak gives her a long, suspicious look and she can tell he knows she is lying. 

“I think Jonas saw Ingrid” she finally admits. 

Isak tells her he doesn’t know anything about that and asks if she has talked to Jonas which she obviously hasn’t. Whenever she asks he gets pissed off and asks her to trust her which would have been a lot easier if he stopped lying all the time. 

“There is a third option,” Isak states. “You can always ask Ingrid.”

She would like to blame someone else when she hooks up with Penetrator Chris. She does it because she feels lonely and because Jonas only makes her feel like shit recently with his hot and cold behaviour and when Ingrid confirms that she and Jonas has been together she can’t take it anymore. When Chris finds her she is crying her heart out in stranger’s bedroom, mascara smearing and fake lashes sticking together from salty tears. 

She hates herself for doing it. Especially when Jonas is waiting for her at home and finally is ready to tell her the truth about Ingrid and it turns out it never was anything between them. 

“I would never do anything to destroy us,” Jonas says and Eva’s guilt is eating her alive and the tears slip down her cheek.

“I hooked up with Chris” Eva tells Isak while they sit watching Jonas at the skate park. 

Isak promises not to tell anyone and reassures her it’s not a big deal and that everything will be okay as long as she doesn’t tell anyone. 

“It will be okay,” He says reassuringly.

She gives him a hug and they both turn their attention back to Jonas. She chooses to trust him. After all he is Jonas best friend and has always been rooting for the two of them. 

For a moment everything is okay. Until suddenly the whole school knows about her and Chris and Eva’s life is turned into hell. Jonas refuses to talk to her, hurt and obviously angry, he refuses to take any of her calls or answer any of her texts. She tries and tries and tries until Isak knocks at the window to her room. 

“Did you talk to him?” She asks frantically and Isak nods quietly, looking at her with pity in his eyes. 

“Yeah, he is not to happy right now,” He answers and Eva can’t hold back her tears any longer.

“I need to explain” she cries desperately. 

“Just give him some time,” Isak comforts, hugging her close when she cries. “It’s okay” He mumbles. 

The whole school is gossiping about her. She is attacked in the middle of the school yard by Chris’ girlfriend Iben and the whole school seem to hate her. All while Chris somehow walks completely free. What should have been a fresh start for her has turned into a nightmare. No matter how hard she tries Jonas refuses to even meet her eyes and the only one remotely interested in her wellbeing seems to be Isak and her new friends, to some extent even if Vilde seems far more concerned about her own reputation.. 

“Don’t change schools,” Isak says over skype. “You are stronger than that. The Eva I know don’t give up like that.” 

Right now she doesn’t feel strong and all she wants to do is give up and walk away.

“You’ve gotta fight back, girl” Isak says. 

It was Isak. Isak who sent the tip to the stupid gossip account. Isak who had held her and comforted her through all of this is the one responsible for all this mess. Iben’s words feel like a punch in the stomach and at first she doesn’t want to believe it. Why would he ever do something like that to her? It doesn’t make sense at all. He is one of her best friends. She had trusted him with her deepest secret and he had promised not to tell anyone. At first she just feels sadness over his betrayal but then she just gets angry. Why would he try to ruin her life like this? Why would he tell her not to speak to Jonas when he planned on letting everyone know her secret? She thought they were better friends than that. In fact they are better friends than that. Nothing makes sense. 

She has been trying to call Isak for the past two hours, leaving at least five angry voice mails and a few equally aggressive texts. She has not been able to reach him yet as his phone goes straight to voice mail which only pisses her off even more. He will not get away with this. 

“Answer your damn phone now, Isak” She demands angrily in yet another voice mail.

She is on his way to see him at his house because even if he refuses to answer her calls she is not going to let him get away with this. She hasn’t been to his house in ages but not much has change. At least not on the outside. She aggressively rings the doorbell, waiting for someone to open. She doesn’t expect that someone to be Jonas. 

“Where is Isak?” She asks surprised to see him there. 

Jonas steps outside and carefully closes the door behind him. 

“Isak is feeling a bit down,” He answers. 

“What happened?” Eva frowns. 

“His dad left his mother and she has completely collapsed.” Jonas says seriously. 

“That’s shitty,” Eva says, not really knowing what else to say. 

“Yeah it is pretty shitty,” Jonas agree. 

Eva can’t help but feel sorry for Isak. His mother has never been stable and Isak’s father leaving them could very well make her tip over the edge again which she seemingly has. 

“How are you?” Jonas asks like he really care but of course there is no news to anyone that people are talking about her at school which means that Jonas has probably heard things too. 

He looks at her expectedly and she shrugs. Most of her anger over Isak seems to have disappeared. Compared to what Isak is likely going through right now her problems feel pretty minor. 

“I’m okay…or…you know.” She finally says. 

Jonas nods, smiling slightly in understanding. 

“I know.” 

“Tell Isak I said hi” She says preparing to leave. 

“Yeah, you don’t want to come in and say hi. I’m sure he would appreciate it.” Jonas states but she shakes her head.

Some of her anger might have disappeared but she is not ready to be the comforting friend Isak probably needs at the moment. Besides Jonas is more than enough for Isak. He will make sure Isak is alright. 

“He has you,” She says before she leaves. 

Isak isn’t in school for the next few days an when she asks Jonas about it he tells her Isak is at home, just taking it easy.

“You should text him or something,” Jonas says and she nods, thinking that is probably the last thing she should do at the moment.

She doesn’t see Isak again until the party at Iben’s. He looks okay and when he says he is doing better she decides now is the time to confront him. 

“Did you also have our backs when you told everyone I hooked up with Chris?,” She spits angrily her eyes practically shooting daggers in his direction. “Everything in my life went to hell after that.” She continues. “It’s completely psycho. What the hell were you thinking?” 

He swallows looking at her sadly. 

“You really don’t know, do you?” He asks, voice weak. 

“No I don’t” She says confused. 

“Think about it then,” Isak says, voice quivering and eyes shiny with tears. 

“Do you have feelings for me?” She asks after a few moments of silence, thinking that’s probably not it but it’s the only thing she can come up with which would explain why he did what he did. 

“Like you didn’t know that,” Isak breathes sadly. 

“No, Isak, I didn’t know that” She says sincerely. 

“Honestly, Eva, how couldn’t you know that?” 

Eva wants to ask more questions, ask why he hasn’t said anything but then Noora turns up in the kitchen and tells Eva she has to come right now. Immediately the thing with Isak gets pushed to the side. 

Sana is caring Vilde home, back to Eva’s basement were they make sure Vilde is okay. Sana is bravely puts her fingers into Vilde’s mouth to get her to throw up. It ends up with Vilde emptying her stomach onto Sana’s lap. In the end they all end up laughing about it because the most important thing is that their friend is okay. They sleep next to each other that night and in the morning they eat breakfast together. Eva finally feels like she has found the friends she has been looking for.

She finally meets Isak a couple of days later. She can tell that he is nervous but ready to give her the answers she still needs. 

“I never meant to hurt you, it just turned out that way,” Isak says quietly, looking shyly at her. “I’m sorry” 

She and Jonas breaks up not long after. It feels like the right decision because ever since they got together she has felt a bit lost and it’s time she finds her place again. 

“Jonas and I broke up,” She says when she meets Isak at the Christmas tree lightning. 

He looks genuinely concerned for her well-being and sad for being the reason for their break up. 

“Are you alright?” He asks worriedly. 

It isn’t until Noora approaches her with Isak’s phone in her hand that everything falls into place. 

“I don’t think it’s you he has feelings for,” Noora says nodding awkwardly to where Isak and Jonas is standing. 

She then shows Eva his phone. Eva looks from the phone back to where Jonas and Isak are standing and everything suddenly makes so much more sense.  
It feels like the end of their friendship. Even if Eva believes Isak when he tells her why he did it and she kind of feels for him it still doesn’t excuse his behavior and she is not sure she can fully trust him ever again. It saddens her a bit though, seeing how fast they go from being close friends to barely talking to each other. If it weren’t for her new friends, the loss of their friendship would probably hurt a lot more. 

She watches from a far as Isak is kissing Sara, giving Noora a knowing look. The both of them try to investigate if Isak is in fact gay and hires Noora’s roommate Eskild to help them find out. 

The only times Isak and Eva talk are at parties or when they meet in school. It’s never more than a hi and a brief update on school life. She misses him and sometimes she wishes they could put everything that happened between them behind them and hang out like they used to. 

Even though people have moved on from the gossip about her and hardly anyone seems to even care or remember she still feels like a mess. Jonas has a new girlfriend and even though she pretends to be okay with it, it hurts. Deep down she is not sure she is over him yet. In times like these she wishes she could talk to Isak. At least she has her other friends now to turn to. 

It isn’t really until the following autumn that other people start speculating about the same thing Noora and she had been so intrigued about a few months earlier. She has kind of noticed that Isak is distracted during the year, looking tired most of the time she sees him in school. They are both at Kosegruppa and most of the parties are at Kollektivet where Isak now lives. Even though he is partying like he always does something about him feels different, even from a distance and when she meets him at school she knows for certain that something is off about him. 

“Hey,” She says when approaches him in the corridor where he is struggling with his locker and the pile of books in his arms. 

“Hi, Eva,” He answers. “What’s up?”

He looks tired and swears under his breath when is locker won’t open even on the third try. 

“I’m good,” She says. “Pretty sure I’m about to fail in maths as usual,” She laughs. “How are you?” 

“Uhm, great,” Isak says as he pushes his things into his locker and forcefully closes it behind him. “I gotta go so,” 

He leaves her standing by his locker, feeling utterly confused by his behaviour because even if their friendship is nowhere near where it used to be he would for sure comment on her failing maths. 

It’s after a party that the rumours that Isak is gay starts. At first Eva feels excited about it but when she sees Isak in school the week after she feels angry instead. Angry at that stupid girl Emma who had apparently told her friends that Isak had rejected her and is gay. She can see that Isak is exhausted and probably upset about all the rumours about him. 

Even though most people gossiping about Isak seems more endeared than anything else Isak doesn’t seem to enjoy the attention at all. She sometimes wonders if she should just reach out to Isak and show her support but she remains in the background, watching as he looks resigned and exhausted. Much like he used to do a couple of years ago. She is confident he has the support he needs from his friends. She knows that Jonas is an amazing friend and the best friend Isak could ever ask for and as far as she knows, both Mahdi and Magnus are good guys who would never have a problem with Isak being gay. In fact a week or so later he seems far more relaxed and happy. If only for a little while.

Sana mentions that Isak has skipped school and soon new rumours starts, not about Isak but about Even the transfer from Bakka that apparently went completely crazy at his old school and who Isak, supposedly has a thing with. Eva doesn’t know much about Even to begin with but has met him a few times at the Kosegruppa meetings. He is always nice and friendly and it makes perfect sense for him and Isak to fall in love with each other. It’s Vilde who first mentions the rumours about Even at lunch time but after getting angry eyes from both Noora and Sana she goes quiet and mumbles it’s probably not true. Eva tries not to engage in gossip too much, knowing how hurtful it is to be at the receiving end. 

A few weeks later Kosegruppa has their Christmas celebration and Eva can’t help but watch Isak and Even steal happy glances at each other whenever they are in the same room. It makes her smile, watching Isak so happy. He beams whenever he looks at Even and by the looks of it Even seems to just as in love with Isak. Despite the things that happened between Isak and her the previous year she has moved on and realised that even if Isak did some stupid and shitty things as a friend, he was never to blame for the issues that she and Jonas had. Those started long before Isak told everyone about her and Penetrator Chris. She has come to accept her part in the break up and she knows that Jonas has as well. 

“I’m sorry for fucking things up with you and Jonas,” Isak says later that night.

She can’t help but roll her eyes slightly before turning serious. 

“You didn’t fuck up anything between us. We did that by ourselves” 

Isak nods hesitantly. 

“Yeah, maybe but still. I kind of lied to you when I said I had feelings for you and it feels pretty shitty.” he says seriously. 

She looks at him.

“Yeah I figured that out.” She smiles. “I’m over it by know and I think you should be too.” She adds, trying to reassure him that she is way past all that drama and that what happened doesn’t really matter in the long run. 

“Can’t we talk about your boyfriend instead? Is he the man of your dreams?” She asks curiously. 

Isak shrugs. 

“I don’t know.” He answers. 

At first it makes her frown because to her it looks like they are very happy and in love with each other and he wants him to be happy. 

“Is it important?” Isak asks. 

“No, but things are good between you, right?” She asks a bit concerned. 

Isak nods after a second of silence. 

“Right now things are really good but last week things were really bad so it’s just very up and down I guess.” 

Eva nods in understanding. She thinks back at the rumours in school about Even and Isak’s absence. 

“Stressful,” She comments but Isak shakes his head. 

“The reason why it’s so good is also the reason why it’s so bad and who knows It could all be over tomorrow,” Isak says. “But I’m still insanely happy that I met him.” 

“Because you knew for certain that you liked boys?” Eva concludes, looking at him expectedly. 

Isak shrugs.

“I was fake before. I just stayed home gaming or watching Narcos. I want my life to be real. Even if it means that life is absolutely awful at times it is better than to be fake and boring all the time.” 

Eva nods, smiling at her friend.

“Well said,” She says. 

Eva watches him look over to where Even is standing next to Eskild by the mistletoe. When Even meets Isak’s eyes it’s like they are the only ones in the room. 

“The only thing we know for certain is that life is now.” Isak says, finally turning his eyes from Even to look at her again. 

Eva notices how Even’s gaze remains on Isak for a few seconds longer while Isak is not looking. The look of adoration is so prominent Eva can’t help but smile in his direction before she turns her attention back to Isak. 

“Merry Christmas, Isak” She smiles. 

“Merry Christmas,” Isak replies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is. I hope you liked it and if you did feel free to leave a comment or some kudos :) 
> 
> The next chapter is actually completely done and I just need to read it through one last time but I'm so happy and exited about it and I think it turned out good. The last chapter contains a lot of head canons which should make it a bit easier to write but then again I had clear vision for Sana's chapter and Eva's and struggled anyway so we will see. 
> 
> Thanks again for taking the time to read. 
> 
> Take care!


	5. Even

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again. A slightly faster update this time and I'm really excited for this one and happy with the way it turned out. This chapter is probably a bit more angsty than the previous one's but also fluffier. It deals with thoughts of suicide, and implications of suicide, talks about mental illness and deals with Even's depression. Other than than that it also contains Even falling in love with Isak and vice versa so even if it is a bit dark at times it is also light at others. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> I'm in no way an expert on bipolar disorder, but I have done some research and drawn from my experience at work. As I don't feel comfortable with portraying it in the right way I have chosen not to include it too much. Not because it isn't important but because I don't want to deal with it in a bad way or upset people. This is my version of Even's view on himself and bipolar and I hope I can do it justice.

Even sees Isak on the first day of his second third year in school. Isak is easily the most beautiful guy Even has ever seen. For a few weeks he doesn’t even know the name of the angel who sits with the same group of friends every day, looking as beautiful as ever with his hair that curls softly around the edges of his signature snapbacks. Even watches from across the cafeteria how they boy seems only to only be half there, always distracted and never fully enjoying the company of his friends. When he does, and he laughs it is the most stunning sound in the world.

He learns Isak’s name a couple of weeks in and it might be after he has heard two of Isak’s friends talk about him in the corridor. He manages to get eye contact with Isak on one of these days where Isak seems distracted and miserable. Isak is quick to look down. 

Even takes the chance when he sees Sana and her friends approach Isak about the weird revue-group and quickly signs up. He can barely contain his excitement when Isak is already there when he shows up.

“Did you also need tissues?” Even asks, faking surprise as Isak looks at him confused and as beautiful as ever. 

“Join me outside,” Even continues. 

He isn’t usually this weird and normally he has no problems with talking to new people but with Isak he makes a complete fool out of himself. For some reason though, Isak still follows him outside and sits down next to Even on the bench. Even offers Isak the joint which Isak accepts, holding it between his thumb and index finger.

“You didn’t go here last year though?” Isak asks and Even shakes his head.

“No Bakka,” He mumbles hoping Isak won’t ask anything else because he just started talking to Isak and he doesn’t want to ruin anything.

Then Emma ruins everything.

Even bumps into Isak again on the tram after school. Isak is adorably shy, refusing to meet Even’s eyes for more than a second at the time.

“Awesome conversation,” Even comments beaming at Isak’s shyness.

Isak remains quiet for a few seconds before he looks up at Even. 

“You are over eighteen, can you perhaps buy some beer?” 

Even can’t believe his luck as he guides Isak to the corner shop where he can buy the beer. They don’t say much but Isak thanks him again just as he is about to walk in. Isak waits outside as Even walks around aisles trying to find a way to make this moment with Isak last longer.

“I forgot my ID,” He exclaims as he walks out of the store where Isak is waiting for him. “Come with me to get it.”

For the second time Isak is quietly following him and together they walk the short distance to Even’s apartment. 

“I like the drawings, very funny.” Isak says as he is standing the wall on which Even has put most of the drawings he has made. 

They are not that special and Sonja has never showed any interest in them but Isak liking them makes Even ridiculously happy.

It’s almost as if they have known each other their whole life even if this is the second time they talk. They sit opposite of each other on the window sill, sharing the joint. They talk for what feels like hours, laughing and sharing intense looks with each other. Even watches Isak whenever Isak isn’t looking back, feeling his stomach flutter whenever Isak laughs. After a while they move into the kitchen and Isak sits on the counter and Even prepares them some cheese toasties. In the heat of the moment they decide to add about every spice there is.

“It’s going to taste like balls,” Even says and Isak raises an eyebrow smiling amusedly. 

They sit on Even’s bedroom floor when they dig into their toasties. The taste is absolutely horrible and Even can barely manage to swallow and he watches Isak grimaces as he takes a bite. 

“You are the one who wanted all the spices,” Even points out. 

“Yeah but it’s important to have cardamom,” Isak says. 

“So that’s the trick for it to taste good?” Even asks and Isak nods. 

“Kardemomma!” he exclaims, taking a sip from his beer. “So did you hear about my rapping?” He continues. 

“I have actually,” Even says. 

Their moment together comes to an end way too fast but suddenly the doorbell is ringing and Even is ripped from his blissful moment with Isak’s rapping to the harsh reality that Sonja is here with their friends. He has completely forgot he invited them over and now he wishes he hadn’t so he and Isak could spend the rest of the evening together. Just the two of them. He reluctantly lets them in and leads them to his bed room where Isak is still sitting but the younger boy stands up as soon as the other enters.

“This is my girlfriend Sonja,” Even says watching Isak’s face carefully as Isak takes Sonja’s hand. 

If Isak is disappointed he hides it well, because he smiles slightly as he introduces himself and Sonja doesn’t particularly interested in Isak anyway, as she starts telling Even how she is seller of the month at her job. Even is forced to pretend to be interested when all he wants is sit on the floor with Isak and watch the younger boy rap for the rest of the night. 

“You don’t have to go,” He says a couple of minutes later as he follows Isak to the door but Isak shakes his head without looking at Even.

“It’s getting late…so” Isak mumbles and fumbles with the laces to his shoes still not looking at Even and Even hates how quickly the younger teen’s mood has changed.

 

“So I guess I will see you at school on Monday,” Even says quietly and Isak finally looks up at him if only briefly.

“Yeah,” He mumbles and walks out of the door, possibly taking Even’s heart with him.

It isn’t until they have all left that Even realises that Isak has left his snap back on Even’s bedroom floor. At least it will give him a chance to talk to Isak again. 

“You forgot this on Friday,” He says and tosses Isak his snapback. 

“Where did you forget it?” One of Isak’s friends ask and Even can see the panic build in Isak’s eyes. 

It hurt’s a bit that Isak doesn’t want anyone to know they hung out together but Even forces himself to let go of the hurt. 

“In the canteen,” He shrugs watching the relief on Isak’s face. 

There is a revue party at Isak’s flat and Even reluctantly let’s Sonja join him to it. Things have not been good between them lately and most of all he would want to go alone but if he told her so it would either lead to her being angry with him or demand answers to why he doesn’t want her to come along and to be honest he is quite fed up with arguments. He knows they should break up, because they have grown apart but he can’t bring himself to do it. Sonja is a safe part of his life and she has been there for him through the darkest moments. Without her, he is not sure who is or what he would do. The thought alone terrifies him. 

“Isn’t it exiting;” Sonja says enthusiastically “It feels like such a long time ago I was at a high school party like this.” 

Without meaning to, she leaves him feel like a failure for still being in school when he should be out exploring the world. 

The apartment is already crowded by the time they arrive. He greets Sana in doorway, by giving her a hug. Isak is sitting in the couch, two neon pink stripes painted on his cheeks and he is watching Even distractedly and doesn’t seem too interested in what Emma is telling him next to him on the couch. 

When he later sees Isak and Emma kissing, he immediately grabs Sonja and passionately kisses her. He can feel her smile into the kiss but he is too busy to watch Isak to focus on the kiss himself. Isak is watching him and he is watching Isak and it’s almost as if it’s just the two of them in the room. If it wasn’t for the fact that they are both kissing other people. 

Eventually, he and Isak are left alone in the apartment and together they clean up and empty beer bottles into the sink. Even silently walks closer and watches Isak move around. 

“Didn’t you take a cab with Sonja and Emma?” Isak asks. 

“I have a bike.” Even lies, smiling. “Did you have a good time with Emma?” He asks.

“She is very keen,” Isak replies not sounding particularly keen himself. 

Even nods. 

“Me and Sonja have been dating since we were fifteen,” He states, watching Isak’s reaction carefully. 

Again being this close to Isak makes him say the most random shit and suddenly he finds himself wrapped up in a confusing joke about how Sonja has an aluminium leg. Isak looks puzzled the whole time.

“But aluminium technology has come such a long way,” He says, “You can hardly tell she is limping.” 

A few seconds later, Isak starts to laugh. 

“You are joking?” He asks. 

Even laughs. 

“You can’t joke about serious stuff like that.” Isak protests weakly. 

“I could have joked about her having a dick,” Even smiles and Isak rolls his eyes so deeply they look like the might get stuck in the back of his head. 

It’s the most adorable thing Even has ever seen. Then Isak looks down into the floor.

“She is pretty…Sonja” Isak says looking up briefly but still avoiding Even’s gaze. 

Even takes his chance to move in even closer, so close that he can feel Isak’s breath against his cheek. His heart is pounding in his chest as Isak finally looks up. Then there is a loud bang coming from the living room and the moment is lost forever. 

He is riding a bike through empty Oslo Street with Isak on the back, the younger boys arms wrapped around his waist and his god wig blowing in the wind. He feels free and adventurous and more alive than has felt in a long time. Isak is a bit hesitant at first as they break into the basement of Even’s old class mate but Even feels ecstatic. 

“Are you afraid of water?” He teases and Isak scowls in mock offence. “I think you are afraid of ruining your hair.” He continues to tease.  
Isak snorts, gesturing to his perfect curls.

“Does it look like I care about my hair?” He asks and Even laughs. 

“Yes, perhaps not right now but…”

Isak takes the chance to push him into the water and Even just manages to reach out to grab Isak’s sleeve, pulling him with him into the water.  
Even is kissing Isak and it’s just like Romeo + Juliet only better because it’s him kissing Isak. 

They end up back in Isak’s apartment. Sonja and Emma are long gone and it’s just the two of them. They are both shivering in their wet clothes so Isak guides Even to the bathroom and tells him to take a shower while he grabs Even some clothes. 

“The sleeves are a bit short for you but…” Isak says shyly once they are both showered and dressed, Even in Isak’s hoodie and sweatpants. 

“I don’t mind,” Even mumbles, leaning in to kiss Isak softly. 

“We should probably go to bed,” Isak smiles, taking Even’s hand in his surely and leading him to the bed. 

They lie down next to each other, Isak curling up close to Even’s chest, begging to be held close so Even wraps his arms around Isak’s frame and pulls him tightly against him, nose buried deep into Isak’s still damp hair. They stay like that for the rest of the night and even if Even is to nervous and full of adrenaline to really sleep, being this close to Isak and hearing Isak’s slow breaths is all he needs in the world. 

They spend all weekend in Isak’s bed, drinking coffee and smoking weed and altering between talking, kissing and just lying next to each other faces pressed against each other, both unwilling to let this moment end. 

Isak rest his head on Even’s shoulder and Even traces his finger softly on Isak’s back. He listens as Isak talks about parallel universes, his voice so full of fascination and excitement.

“So yellow curtains then?” Even asks looking over to the window briefly.” I think that’s enough jay for you.” He continues.  
Isak smiles, rolling his eyes.

“But haven’t you thought about it?” He asks curiously.

Even sighs briefly, deciding to expose Isak to a few of the darkest fears of his mind.

“You can’t escape. The only way is to die,” He whispers looking at Isak, seeing the slight confusion in the younger boy’s eyes. 

“That’s dark,” Isak breathes.

Even wishes he could stay here forever in his little Isak bubble full of soft cuddles and Eskimo kisses but his phone is constantly vibrating, reminding him about his world outside he is so reluctant to return to. 

“Can’t I just stay here forever? He asks. 

“You can,” Isak whispers. 

Even breaks up with Sonja. It has been a long time coming and he cheating on her with Isak just confirms that they no longer are good for each other. It’s scary at first, knowing that for the first time in four years he is on his own but then he thinks of Isak and it somehow feels better knowing that what they had over the weekend doesn’t have to be a one time off. That thought makes it far easier to breathe. 

“I have decided that my life is better without mentally ill people,” Isak mumbles and it hurts so much and honestly Even has no idea how he can remain calm after that but somehow he does and the kiss he plants on Isak’s mouth is so bittersweet when knowing it will be the last one they ever share.

Even knows Isak deserves better than he can ever offer, knows that whoever hurt Isak so badly, the younger boy deserves all the happiness in the world and the truth is that Even knows he can’t give it to Isak. Not in the way Isak deserves. 

He knows he is an asshole when he sends Isak the text but he knows it’s for the best and he needs to look out for himself too. He can’t afford to be hurt. He goes back to Sonja and she is willing to accept him back into her life just like that. She isn’t what he wants deep inside but she is his safety net and he knows she will always be there for him if he needs her. 

He sees Isak in school a few days later and Isak looks like a complete wreck. It breaks Even’s heart watching him like this. The circles are deep and dark and so prominent against Isak’s pale skin and it almost makes Even doubt if he made the right decision. 

“No cardamom?” He tries, smiling cautiously and nodding towards the sandwich in Isak’s hand.

Isak swallows.

“Kardemomma,” He mocks unenthusiastically. “No…so” 

“So…” Even starts but before he can continue Isak pushes past him

“I have to go,” He says. 

Even simply can’t stay away, despite his promise to let go of Isak. But watching Isak’s prominent pain that feels so much alike his own he simply can’t. All he can think about is Isak and how he can’t stand being the reason for the younger boy’s misery when all he ever wanted to do was to put a smile upon Isak’s beautiful face. So he draws Isak a drawing that he puts into Isak’s pocket hoping that it will cheer Isak up just a little. 

Even is on a walk when he receives the text from Isak telling him to make up his mind which makes him realise that he already has. He has been miserable without Isak in his life and from the looks of it Isak has been too. So maybe Even can afford to be selfish, maybe things can turn out alright for them anyway. Despite Isak’s fears and Even’s own shortcomings. 

He rings the doorbell to Isak’s flat with a wildly beating heart, waiting the long minute it takes before the door opens. 

Isak is as beautiful as ever, standing in the doorway looking up at Even. 

“Halla” Even says, smiling slightly.

They stand like that for a few seconds of hesitation before Isak is the one to close the gap between them.

That night Even gets to hold Isak close again and it feels so right, like he was meant to hold Isak in his arms.

He wakes up hours before Isak, suddenly full of energy. Isak is still sleeping peacefully next to him and Even spends almost an hour just quietly watching him sleep, carefully trailing his finger against Isak’s soft cheek. When it finally gets lighter outside he presses a kiss to Isak’s hair and tippy toes into the kitchen. He occupies himself in the kitchen, trying to figure out what Isak would like for breakfast but then quickly decides to cook a little bit of everything just to be on the safe side. When Isak wakes up an hour or so later, Even, Eskild and Noora has already been awake for a long time.

“I thought you had left,” Isak mumbles when they are left alone.

“I was just here in the kitchen, talking to your friends,” Even tries to reassure. 

“Does Sonja know you are here?” Isak asks. 

Even sighs deeply. Sonja always seems to make her way back into his life one way or another. Even after he has broken up with her. Even hates how she always is in control of his life and how she seems to know what is better for him.

“Only you can feel what you feel,” Isak breathes and Even smiles walking up to him. 

“I have never felt like this before,” He whispers. 

“Me neither” Isak replies. 

Everything feels perfect. He spends the rest of the weekend at Isak’s only this time it doesn’t feel like their time is limited. They play Fifa in Isak’s room and hang out together with Isak’s roommates. It makes him insanely happy to see Isak so relaxed around them compared to when they spent their first weekend together. 

“I will kill you if you post this,” Isak complains as he is curled up in Even’s arms and Eskild is taking photo after photo of the two of them.

Even just laughs at Isak’s attempts to threaten Eskild and buries his nose deep into Isak’s neck, earning a soft giggle from Isak. 

The following week is just as amazing as the weekend. He stays with Isak for most of the nights, and they cook dinner together, go for walks, and take showers together.  
Life is so good, Even thinks when he books them a hotel suite for the weekend. He can’t for them to spend the days in bed, taking baths, ordering room service and empty the mini bar. Isak is going to love it.

He ruins everything that night and now he knows he has lost Isak for good. He had promised himself he wouldn’t let it happen again but it had anyway and now he is left feeling lost and alone and just like last time it’s all his fault.

He comes down from his manic episode with his parents and Sonja at his side and immediately sinks deep into the darkness. Apparently Sonja had been there the night when he slipped out of control and ended up leaving Isak in the hotel suite to go buy food completely naked. The police had taken him in and when it became apparent that he was manic his parents had been called and they had come and taken him home.

“It could have been a lot worse,” They say outside of his bedroom door as if he hasn’t fucked up the best thing that has happened to him in a long time. As if he hasn’t lost Isak for good. 

He lies in bed for days, not having the energy to do anything but lie there altering between sleep and dark thoughts. He drinks the water his parents bring him and some of the food, if he has the energy but most of all he just stays wrapped in his duvet and curled in on himself. His phone goes off every once in a while but he doesn’t have the energy to look at it, the only time he moves from the bedroom is to use the bathroom. Somewhere in all of this Sonja ends up in his bedroom.

“I met Isak when we were looking for you. He called me when you disappeared,” She says from far away. “I told him to stay away. I’m sorry.” 

“Why?” Even rasps. “Why would you say that to him?” 

“I thought he knew but were acting careless, I thought you had told him and that he ignored the signs and I was worried about you so it just slipped out. I’m really sorry, Even.”  
“Just go Sonja,” He says, voice strained. 

He has a missed call and a text from Isak when he finally checks his phone. He swallows thickly, feeling tears press in his eyes. Isak deserves so much better, yet he is trying to reach out to Even. Even after everything Even has done to him. Even after Sonja’s harsh words that should have made Isak run in the other direction. 

He manages to get dressed and tells his parents he is going to go for a walk. They are reluctant to let him go at first but in the end they let him do it. He has no idea where to go at first but his body takes him towards Nissen. 

He has been sitting on the bench for a while now, staring at his phone wondering if Isak has read is text yet. He wonders where Isak is now, if he is somewhere safe, if he is happy, what he thinks about. He keeps thinking that this is the second time he has lost everything in his life. 

It’s getting cold outside so he decides to head into the bathroom just one last time. Standing in the stark light, his face looks pale and gaunt. It’s sad thinking that this is where it all begun with Isak. Where he made a complete fool of himself by taking all the paper towels but for some reason Isak followed him outside anyway.

Isak isn’t going to show up now, he realises, so he takes in the look of the bathroom one last time, taking a final look in the mirror and gets ready to step outside into the bitter cold again. The cold is raw against his frail skin but when he looks up Isak is there in front of him.

“You are not alone,” Isak whispers, standing on his tippy toes as he pulls Even into the safety of his arms. 

Isak guides him back to kollektivet, back into his bedroom and carefully helps Even take of his shoes and coat before he puts Even to bed, crawling under the covers himself and holding onto Even from behind. 

“It’s okay” The younger boy whispers, pressing soft kisses to the back of Even’s head. “Everything is going to be okay.” 

Isak is there when he wakes up, watching him cautiously.

“I should go,” Even mumbles even though he has no idea how is going to find the energy to move from his spot on Isak’s bed. 

“Why?” Isak asks. 

Even swallows thickly. 

“This isn’t going to work,” He says, “I will just end up hurting you and then you are going to hate me.” 

He watches tears form in Isak’s voice and can here the sadness in Isak’s voice but he knows he is right. He will hurt Isak over and over again. Just like he already has. 

“You don’t now shit about what is going to happen. We could all get die from an atom bomb and then this discussion is just a waste of time.” Isak, says. “We are not going to talk about the future and just take it completely chill.” 

He pauses for a few seconds. 

“Let’s play a game…” 

Even stays with Isak for the rest of the week. Slowly and surely he starts to feel better. It’s a slow process just like it always is but having Isak there makes things a tiny bit easier even if it doesn’t cure him of his depression. Isak is patient and never puts pressure on Even and even if he makes his roommate watch Even when he is in school, the gesture doesn’t make Even feel like he is being babied as it probably would if it was Sonja or someone else.

“I like to see you smile,” Isak whispers pressing his thumb against Even’s bottom lip. 

Isak’s phone rings and Even watches amused as Isak roll his eyes dramatically like only he can. Apparently Vilde keeps nagging Isak about Kosegruppa which Even has honestly forgotten all about during the last few weeks.

“I was there to meet you,” Even whispers softly.

Isak looks at him a bit surprised and confused as if he has no idea how long Even has been wanting him for. 

“Seriously?” He asks. 

“Yeah,” Even says honestly. “I saw you the first day of school.”

Week by week, Even is starting to feel like himself again. The day after the Christmas gathering with Kosegruppa Isak meets Even’s parents and they absolutely love Isak. They spend Christmas Eve separately but Isak calls Even late in the evening and they spend three hours on the phone. New Years is spent with Isak’s friends and Even can’t think of a better way to start the new year.

“I love you,” Isak whispers as the two of them watches the fireworks from Isak’s bedroom window. 

The other boys has left to watch the fireworks from outside so it’s just the two of them. Even moves to stand behind Isak and hugs him from behind. He kisses Isak’s neck.

“I love you too, baby.” He says.

After New Year’s Even practically moves in to Kollektivet and even if his parents are sad that he is not at home much anymore and forces him to at least have dinner with them twice a week, he can tell that they are happy for him. 

Even though living with Isak is a bliss, and having Eskild, Linn and Noora as roommates is nice, the apartment is not made for five people and Even finds himself wishing that he could have Isak for himself in their own apartment. As much as he wishes to just move into an apartment with Isak right away he is scared that the younger boy is not ready yet. It’s not that he doubts Isak’s love for him but he doesn’t want to pressure Isak because being in a relationship with another guy and being open enough about it to hold Even’s hand in school is daunting enough for Isak sometimes. Therefore he is surprised when Isak is the one who touches on the subject of moving. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Isak mumbles. “It’s not really fair to let Noora live in the living room and the apartment is not made for five people, not even four. “

Even feels Isak shift slightly before the younger boy places his head on Even’s shoulder. Even draws him closer to his chest and kisses Isak’s forehead. 

“It’s just I’m not sure if I’m ready to live on my own or if I can even afford it you know. Dad has agreed to pay my rent as long as I live here but I don’t think he will be able to pay even more and living on my own would be so expensive.” 

Even plays with Isak’s soft hair. 

“Don’t worry, baby.” He says. “Unless you want to move out you don’t have to.” He takes a breath. “But if you want to move out I have heard there is this guy who might be looking for a roommate. He has this awesome hair and great taste in film and music. I think you would love living with him.”

Isak smiles.

“Do I know him?” He asks cheekily “Because we can’t be talking about you because while your hair is awesome your taste in film and music is not.”

“Fuck you,” Even laughs, spinning around to trap Isak underneath him by pressing the younger boys arms against the mattress. 

He knows it’s only a matter of time before Isak wrestles him down because even if Even is taller Isak is definitely stronger. Isak doesn’t seem to mind being trapped though. 

“Would you really want to move in with me?” He asks, biting his lip nervously. 

“I would love to move in with you.” Even whispers and leans down to kiss Isak’s nose.

Ten seconds later, Isak has manged to wrestle Even down and is now sitting on top of him with the most content smirk on his face.

They move in together in April into a tiny but cosy apartment. The place might be small and they can’t even fit in a small sofa into the main room but it is theirs.

“What are you thinking about?” Isak asks when they lie in bed together the boys have left.

“That I’m the happiest guy in the world,” Even answers. 

Even if living with Isak is great Even would lie if he said he isn’t nervous sometimes. He is scared that Isak will grow tired of him or that he will have another episode which Isak will be left to deal with alone. He knows even his parents can struggle sometimes when things are particularly bad and he doesn’t want to burden Isak with it so soon and when Isak is so young. Isak deserves to explore the world not take care of someone who doesn’t even leave bed for days at the time. 

“I wouldn’t be alone,” Isak says. “I have our friends and your parents and you to guide me if I ever needed it. I’m not worried about that and neither should you. Let just take things minute by minute.”

Even smiles.

“And what will we do this minute?” He asks, tracing Isak’s cheek with his finger.

Isak grins wildly. 

“This minute we will have a pillow fight” he smirks, shovelling his pillow into Even’s face. 

Even’s absolute favourite things about living with Isak are the late night talks, or waking up next to Isak and watch the younger boy sleep and waking him up with the smell of coffee, or the long Sunday walks when they go to the bakery to pick up fresh bed, or having pillow fights and wrestling matches even if Isak always win, or being able to have sex whenever they want without any complaints or remarks from roommates. Pretty much everything turns out to be Even’s favourite thing about living with Isak.

But after a month or so Even realises he isn’t the only one with insecurities and doubts and that Isak has some pretty deep hidden insecurities of his own. He has always known that they are there but living together just the two of them makes Even more aware of them. It usually shows in the way Isak is always quick to apologize in a situation where he is scared he has done something to upset Even or others even though it is not his fault. It shows in the way Isak is reluctant to talk about his own feelings, in fear of burden Even as if his feelings aren’t as important. It shows in the way Isak sometimes can’t sleep and he lays awake for hours several nights in a row until Even notice I his lethargic behaviour and calls him out on it. 

“Just tell me what is bothering you,” Even pleads. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Isak says nonchalantly and walks into the kitchen to pour himself another cup of coffee.

Even follows him into the kitchen and grabs Isak’s hand to keep him from grabbing the coffee pot.

“Just let me help you, Isak” Even says calmly. “Whatever is stressing you out you can tell me.”

“It’s not important,” Isak mumbles. “It’s nothing.”

“It not nothing if you can’t sleep for several days, Isak,” Even says desperately.

“It’s nothing compared to what you go through,” Isak clarifies, biting his lip. 

Even knows he can’t be mad at Isak in this situation but it frustrates him when Isak seem to think Even is incapable of supporting Isak just because he has bipolar or that Isak somehow doesn’t deserve to talk about his problems because Even has it worse. 

Even sighs softly. 

“Talk to me, baby” He whispers, taking Isak’s hand and softly pulling Isak closer. 

Isak snuggles into his chest and let’s Even wrap his arms around him. 

“It’s just stress I guess, with school and my mom and stuff.” He mumbles, voice muffled. “She is not getting any better and I just keep thinking that if I hadn’t left her or gotten her help sooner she would have had a better chance.” 

Isak’s mother has always been a sore spot for Isak and even if they have started to repair their relationship there was a lot of guilt and resentment left do deal with. 

“You know that’s not your fault. You did what you could and no one blames you for anything. You are seventeen, Isak. No seventeen year old should have to take that kind of responsibility.” 

Isak sniffs into Even’s chest. 

There are a lot of things they don’t tell each other or talk about and Even’s past is one of those things. Just like Isak is reluctant to talk about his family, Even is very determined to keep his past from Isak. Mostly because he doesn’t want to think about, the wounds not yet healed, but also because he doesn’t want to hurt Isak. Isak is still curious though and never shies away from asking. The questions are always there but Isak never pushes once he realises Even doesn’t want to talk about it. So Even keeps running until he can’t anymore. 

“Hey, It’s going to be okay,” Even says, trying to sound calm but on the inside he is panicking at the sight of Isak’s bloody nose and the swelling of his cheek.  


Isak is gasping in pain, stumbling backwards and Even hurries to steady him. 

“Let me see your face, baby” Even asks solely focused on Isak even though things have turned into a freaking war just a few meters away from them. 

This was not the way he was supposed to reunite with his old friends. Not that he had planned to ever see them again but he certainly hadn’t expected it to lead to a night spent in the ER and the most important person in his life hurt. 

“I’m so sorry,” Isak says later that night when they are home from the ER and Even has put Isak to bed and put a soft blanket over his legs. “I’m sorry a ruined your chances with you friends.” Isak continues and presses his hands against the mattress to sit up a bit better. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Even says as he helps Isak lean back against the mountain of pillows he has created behind Isak’s back. “I just care about you, baby.” He continues and sits down next to Isak, letting his boyfriend rest his head against his shoulder. 

“I’m still sorry,” Isak whispers before he falls asleep. 

A few weeks later Isak’s bruises are healed and Even has finally found the courage to tell Isak everything.

“And then I just ran away and tried to forget about everything.” 

He is lying with his head on Isak’s lap and Isak run’s his fingers through is hair. 

“You are so brave baby and I’m so happy that you are with me and I never want you to have to experience that kind of pain again.” He says. “I love you so much.” 

It feels like a huge weight have been lifted from his shoulders and when he, on Eva’s birthday once again is confronted with his old friends, he no longer wishes to run away. After a few stiff minutes with Isak franking his side protectively, all of them seem to relax and it is the best feeling in the world. Even has never dared dreaming to ever reunite with them with the way he left and what happened before but after they have reassured him that they don’t care what happened in the past. 

“Your friends are really nice,” Isak says as they walk home. “I could tell how happy they were to see you again.” 

“It almost feels too good to be true,” Even confesses. “I fucked everything up and I never imagined having them back in my life like this.”

“You didn’t fuck up,” Isak says looking sternly at him. “You can’t blame yourself for what happened, babe because it wasn’t your fault.”

The week up until Isak’s birthday Even works almost constantly on his movie for Isak. Ever since they got official he has been working on it, filming little pieces of their lives every other day. He wants to give Isak the world and show him just how much he means to him. Isak deserves so much more than Even can ever give him. 

“You are the best thing that has happened to Isak in a long time,” Jonas says. “Before you he was miserable and sad but you have made him happy and safe and that is honestly all he needs from you.” 

So he is going to make Isak a movie, just like he promised he would and if he has to stay up half the night to make sure it is finished when Isak wakes up on his birthday it is going to be worth it. 

It is worth it as he and Isak sneaks away from the party without anyone notice. It is worth it when they lie closely together after the most amazing sex and it is most definitely worth it when he gets to wake up next to Isak the following morning and then again the next.

“You are the best thing in my life,” Isak whispers, his warm breath tickling Even’s face. “I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

Even rubs his nose tenderly against Isak’s. 

“Ditto!” He says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was one of the easiest and funniest to write even though it was challenging in other ways. I had to cut so much from it to keep it at an okay length but I have thoughts of turning other scenes into one-shots or shorter fics. I already have some planned in my head and might start writing them down. 
> 
> Anyway thank you so much for reading. Only one chapter to go. When I started this I thought I as going to end up with around 10-20 pages all in all but now that I have finished it it has 58 pages. I need to learn how to contain myself :)
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked it and take care!


	6. And Terje

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, the final chapter is finally here and it's time for Terje. I'm aware that there are mixed feelings about Terje and there are many different directions writers have opted for when incorporating him in fics. I love to read all different versions of him but in this version I have tried to stick to my canon for him. I knew from the beginning that I wanted a chapter to be his. 
> 
> For me he is interesting because he screwed up a lot and made a few awful mistakes but I don't doubt for a second that he loves his son and throughout season 3 we could see him try to reach out to his son desperately. So for me despite him being a bad father I think he loves his son and wants a relationship with him. So yeah here is my take on Terje. And obviously he is the one who has loved Isak since the day he was born. 
> 
> A huge thanks to all of you who have read, left comments and kudos. It means the world to me. I hope you enjoy this last chapter.
> 
> Again I am no expert when I comes to mental illness and in this case schizophrenia but I have used my experience from work when it comes to Marianne and her experiences are based on some the people I have met at work.

Terje knows he never has been and never will be the best father in the world and to be honest he knows he is not even the best father at his office. Once Isak gave him a best dad in the world mug on father’s day and it sits on the book shelf in his office. People might think he doesn’t not want to use it in fear of breaking it or something but the truth is he feels like he doesn’t deserve to use it. So it sits there instead staring down at him every day, burning holes in his back and constantly reminding him of how much he has failed as a father. 

Isak is born on the 21th of June 21 minutes past nine in the evening. It is an easy pregnancy and he and Marianne are ecstatic to become parents but labour is difficult and though on both Marianne and the baby and in the end even the doctors seem stressed. The first few seconds after their baby is born are filled with quiet fear until their baby starts screaming. It is the most beautiful sound in the world. 

“Congratulations mom and dad,” The doctors say. “He’s a beautiful boy.”

At first they are planning on calling the baby Mathias but as soon as he is born they know that he is not a Mathias at all. 

“He’s so beautiful,” Marianne cries happily and Terje laughs and kisses the side of her head. 

“I know, honey, he’s perfect. You were perfect.” 

Marianne sighs, looking preciously at the baby in her arms. 

“He doesn’t feel like a Mathias, though” She frowns and the baby yawns and makes a small whimper. 

“Look,” She laughs, “He doesn’t like it either.” 

Terje smiles. 

“Remember when you said you liked the name Isak?” He says thoughtfully and she nods. 

“I like that name,” She mumbles, and finally takes her eyes off of her newborn son. “What you think about it?” She asks. 

“I think it’s perfect,” Terje says. 

Isak feels tiny in his arms the first time he gets to hold him, so delicate in Terje’s big and clumsy arms and he worries that he is going to hurt him. Marianne is tired after labour so for a few hours it is just the two of them. Terje and baby Isak, sitting together in the tiny armchair in the hospital room, Isak sleeping contently and Terje afraid to even move. 

At first neither of them really know what they are doing and everything feels new and terrifying. Isak is an easy baby for the most part, content as long as he isn’t alone but he hates to be put down without anyone near him so the first two months are spent with either of them having a baby on their arm. 

Terje’s favourite thing is lying on the couch with Isak sleeping curled up on his chest, sucking on one of his little fingers. They can spend hours like that, letting Marianne have her rest after a particularly though night. 

The first months go by in a heartbeat and soon Isak is not just a delicate baby but a baby who laughs and wiggles his arms and babbles to himself whenever he wakes up from a nap. 

They baptize Isak when Isak is four months old and even though Terje isn’t all that into the Christian traditions but it is important to Marianne to keep her family traditions so he agrees on it. 

It feels like Terje only has time to blink between different milestones. One minute Isak has just learned to sit on his own and the next he is crawling and starting to learn how to stand. It is exiting and terrifying at the same time. Exciting because he loves seeing his baby boy grow up and he feels his chest swell with pride every time Isak learns something new. It is terrifying because everything is going so fast and he is afraid that he is going to miss one of these moments when he is at work. 

“Don’t walk until I’m home,” He says warningly to Isak before he leaves in the morning. 

Isak just squeals happily and throws one if his toys across the room. 

“Do you hear me?” He asks the baby but Isak is already on his way after his toy, squalling and babbling as he goes. 

He watches him for a couple of more minutes as Isak stands up with the help from the coffee table and wakes a few wobbly steps with the table as support. It’s only a matter of time now until he will be able to walk and even though it might be stupid, Terje wants to be there whenever it happens. 

The first years with Isak are a bliss. Isak is an easy baby and easy child who, for the most part, is happy to play by himself using his imagination to come up with the most amazing stories about his cars and action figures. However, even if Isak is mostly an easy child he is also very stubborn and has a very strong willed mind and whenever he doesn’t get his will through it will end with tears and tantrums. 

Terje hates these moments and he knows he’s never been good at handling them. Usually it ends with him losing his temper too which ends in more tears on Isak’s part and his own guilt burning inside his body. It is also sometime during these years that Terje feels like he is losing his grasp has a dad. 

Being a dad to a baby or toddler is easy. It doesn’t take much for Isak to be happy but the older he gets the harder it becomes. 

When Isak is five they get a new set of neighbours and it turns out they got a son the same age as Isak who is called Jonas. Isak is watching curiously how the other boy helps his parents move in by carrying the smallest boxes. The day after Terje and Isak decides to welcome their new neighbours to the neighbourhood. 

“Why don’t you show Jonas your room?” He asks Isak. 

Isak is clinging to his pant leg shyly and all he can see from Jonas is a mop of wild curly hair from where he is hiding behind his dad. 

Reluctantly Isak lets go of Terje’s leg. 

“I’ll show you my toys,” He says to Jonas who is hesitantly following him into the house. 

From that day on, Isak and Jonas are inseparable. They spend the whole summer together and in the autumn they start school together. Terje and Marianne are revealed that Isak finally has Jonas because Isak has always been a bit shy but with Jonas he is bubbly and giggly and the two of them never seem to get tired of each other. It’s a relief to see their son so happy because recently they haven’t spent the time with him that he deserve and more than once they have turned down his offers to play with him because they are too busy with work or house chores. The fact that Terje has filled Isak’s room with the latest toys doesn’t help ease the guilt in his chest. 

“Wanna build a fort with me daddy,” Isak asks looking timid but hopeful. 

Terje sighs. 

“Not tonight,” He says watching Isak’s hope disappear and be replaced by dejection. “Maybe tomorrow.” 

“Okay,” Isak sighs, leaving the office with slightly hunched shoulder and head bowed.

They both now that tomorrow Terje will be busy with something else and soon Isak learns to never ask. Instead he spends all his time with Jonas and he doesn’t seem to upset about it. 

When Isak is almost eight Marianne gives birth to their daughter, Lea. They are all happy and Isak is ecstatic at becoming a big brother just like Jonas and he is really good with his baby sister. He feeds her and holds her and plays with her tenderly. But with a new baby, both Marianne and Terje become busier and the hard work sometimes make them have even less time for Isak. The guilt is always present in Terje’s mind as he watches Isak play by himself or read a book in his bed at bed time when Marianne doesn’t have time to it for him. 

“Can you ask mommy to tuck me in when she as fed Lea?” Isak asks as Terje puts him to bed one night. 

“Of course,” Terje says but as he walks into their bedroom Marianne is fast a sleep with Lea in her arms and he knows how much she needs her sleep so he carefully takes Lea and cradles her in his arms, making sure she is fully asleep before putting her in her crib. 

They are out in the park, Terje, Isak and Jonas and a sleeping Lea in the pram. Isak and Jonas has been playing by the monkey bars for a long time but know they are on the swings. Terje is watching them as Isak swings higher and higher.

“Look dad when I jump,” HE exclaims before letting go of the ropes and jumping through the air and landing in the sand with a thud. 

“Wow, good job, Isak,” Terje says and Isak smiles proudly. 

Later that afternoon he is climbing a tree and Terje can’t help but wonder when Isak turned into such daredevil. 

One night in the beginning of January when he and Marianne are out of town for a wedding Terje gets a phone call from Jonas dad and he can feel his heart clench painfully in his chest. 

“What’s wrong?” Marianne asks worriedly as he hangs up. 

“They are taking Isak to the hospital,” He says frailly, “He fell on his snow racer and apparently hit his head and they think his arm is broken.” 

Marianne has tears in her eyes and five minutes later they sit in the car on their way back to Oslo, Lea sleeping in the backseat, unware of the drama. The journey back to Oslo feels like an eternity but as soon as they pull up at the hospital the two of them are half running inside. 

Isak is still crying when they get there and his face is pale as the sheets on the bed he is currently curled up on. Jonas is holding Isak’s good hand and Jonas dad keeps patting Isak’s leg in comforting motions. Isak starts crying even more when he sees his parents enter and Marianne rushes to his side. 

“Hey sweetie,” She whispers, reaching down to kiss his hair softly and gently strokes his cheek.

“The doctors will be here any minute,” Jonas’ dad starts, “He’s has been sick a few times but he feels better when he is lying still.” 

Tarje nods tightly, feeling relief rush through is body at the same time as the adrenaline is now leaving. 

“Hey, buddy” He says patting Isak’s foot as he sits down on the narrow bed. “What hurt’s?”

“My head and arm,” Isak sobs quietly leaning into Marianne’s soft touch. 

“It’s going to be okay, buddy. We are here now.” Terje says gently. 

A few hours later they are allowed to leave the hospital after Isak’s arm has been set and put into a cast and the doctors have examined Isak. Despite his concussion he is allowed to go home as long as Marianne and Terje keep an eye on him and bring him in again in case he gets worse. 20 minutes later they are finally home and Terje carries his son into his and Marianne’s bedroom and puts him in the middle of the bed. 

“Can I sleep in here tonight?” Isak pleads tiredly. 

“Of course, buddy,” Terje says as he grabs his own pillow to put under Isak’s casted arm and then wraps a blanket around his son’s body snuggly. 

The next few weeks, Terje and Marianne makes sure to spoil him a bit more, letting him have ice cream every night and stay up with them past bed time. 

The year Isak turns twelve Marianne starts to get sick. She is sleeping a lot more and is withdrawn even from her own kids. She forgets things and doesn’t seem to be able to concentrate like she used to. At first Terje dismisses it as stress but when she is starting do and say odd things and starts the get more irritated and suspicious he starts to realise that it is not stress but something more serious. It doesn’t sit well in his stomach but when he tries to discuss it with his wife she gets angry and defensive and denies there being anything wrong with her. So Terje does too. 

Lea is only four so he is pretty sure she doesn’t understand what is going on just that her mother is more tired than usual. He tries to protect her innocence as good as he can. It different with Isak though. He is older and pretty observant to his mother’s behaviour and Terje knows it’s taking a toll on his oldest son. 

“What’s wrong with mom?” Isak asks one day when he comes home from school and Marianne has yet again locked herself into the bedroom where she just keeps sleeping and refuses to answer to anyone’s calls. 

“She just needs to rest,” Terje lies. 

The more Marianne seems to lose her old self and disappear into her own world, the more Isak withdraws. When Marianne stays up through the night, rambling about rats in the kitchen and how she is being watched by them or frantically quotes bible texts he knows Isak lies awake in his bedroom unable to fall asleep. Terje wishes he was strong enough for both of them but the truth is he is not. He is not even strong enough for himself so how can he help his son?

Jonas parents are understanding of course, when he tells them about Marianne and they let Isak join them on their family vacations during the year. They have always been Isak’s second family so letting Isak stay with them a bit more feels like the right decision. 

Marianne gets better over the summer and stops talking about rats and the neighbours following her around for a while. She still has her ups and downs but they are managing. They are doing the best they can to stay afloat but it’s hard. Terje is not strong enough to be a dad to both Isak and Lea and take care of Marianne at the time. He knows he is prioritizing Lea because she is younger and he knows that is unfair to Isak to leave him fend for himself when Marianne has one of her episodes.

“Is everything alright at school, Isak?” Terje tries when he notices Isak picking at his food for the third time that week. 

Isak shrugs.

“Yeah,” He says. 

Then Isak stands up and leaves the kitchen to walk up the stairs to his room. Terje lets out a deep sigh. 

This is not the way their lives was supposed to end up and he hates what it is doing to his son. 

When Isak is sixteen and Lea eight it comes to an end. Before they have had four years of ups and downs and between Marianne’s episodes all they have done is fight, day and night. So he leaves. He takes his things and Lea’s and moves out. He knows he is a coward and that he should fight harder but he has been staying so long and now there is no turning back. If Marianne wasn’t sick he would have left years ago. 

Marianne is screaming and panicking and Lea is clinging to his neck in fear. Isak is somewhere in the middle trying to keep everything together but it’s not enough just like Terje has not been enough in a long time. He can’t help Marianne and he has already failed his son so much. So he does the worst thing possible. He runs.  
He will never forget the look of utter betrayal on Isak’s face when his son realises what he is about to do. He will never forget Marianne’s cries and Isak desperate attempts to calm her down. 

Later that night when Lea is asleep he finally let’s himself cry. Isak isn’t picking up his phone and the only reason he knows his son is alright is because Jonas’ dad calls him telling him that he and Jonas are taking care of things for the time being but the sternness in Jonas’ dad’s voice lets him know he can’t run from this forever. 

“You can’t let Isak deal with this alone. I know that Marianne needs help and that she doesn’t want to get it but Isak is sixteen years old. You can’t put him in this position.” 

“How is he?” Is all Terje asks. 

Jonas dad sighs. 

“Jonas is with him. He is exhausted and terrified.” 

“Can I speak to him?” 

“He’s finally fallen asleep and I don’t want to wake him. He will call when he is ready and if he wants to. We will take care of things for a few days but then you need to take your responsibility.” 

Terje moves out officially in January when things have calmed down again. But despite the fact that Marianne is doing better Isak wants nothing to do with him anymore. The will to finally feel like ha can breathe freely may have caused him his son and ironically the though leaves him breathless. 

In April Isak calls him to let him know what he has moved out. 

“I can’t go back there,” Isak says harshly, “You can’t make me go back there. I can’t live with her anymore.” 

Terje had thought that things were better. That Marianne was getting better but hearing his son’s voice so full of determination makes him question his own judgement. But then again, how much had he really been involved with Marianne’s wellbeing? All he had done was pay for money for food and pay the bills and otherwise pretend she didn’t 

“I will sort it out, Isak. I promise. I’m going to get her help this time. I will make sure she gets help but can’t you just come live with me. Lea misses you and I have a spare bedroom. We can get your things tonight and-“ 

“No,” Isak snaps. “I’m staying with a friend and I will look for a place to live and if you don’t want to pay for it I will just get a job.” 

Terje finds himself blinking rapidly.

“I’ll pay for your rent, Isak. Just let me know where you are going to live and I will pay for it. I just want you to be safe.” He says. “Just don’t disappear on me.” 

He can hear Isak sigh on the other end of the phone.

“I will think about it,” He mumbles. 

In the beginning of summer he finally helps Isak move into his new apartment. Terje is happy to see that his son is not going to live alone and as far as he can tell Eskild seems like a good guy. Even though he is eying Terje down suspiciously the whole time. Terje wonders how much he knows. 

Isak refuses to talk to him and shows his clear distrust by keeping his distance, his arms crossed protectively over his chest. 

“I think that’s it.” Terje says nervously when they have moved all the stuff into Isak’s room. 

He nods towards Eskild and Isak. Eskild smiles politely but Isak’s gaze remains on the floor. 

“Just let me know if you need anything else. We can always take another trip to IKEA if you want to.” He says to Isak then turning to Eskild. “And I will transfer the rent money and deposit to you as soon as I get home.” 

He has no idea what to do to make things up to Isak. All he wants to do is have is son back. He keeps calling and texting, asking Isak out for lunch and dinner. He sends Isak rent money whenever he needs to and whenever Isak asks for more he sends that as well in the hopes that Isak will finally accept his offers to see him. But Isak never does.  
All of a sudden it’s been months since he last saw his son. Months since he did anything else but money. He pushes Isak to go see his mother, knowing how much she misses her boy but Isak is reluctant and unwilling to see either of them and Terje knows he resents them both. Terje for leaving Isak alone to deal with stuff far too many times and Marianne for not being the mother he needed. It started way before Marianne got sick and her illness was just the climax to their sad family story.

Terje knows Marianne is miserable too and that she misses her children every day. Losing first Lea and then Isak seems to have been enough for her to realise she needs help. She still lives at home, but has support twice a week who comes to the house and make sure she is alright and supports her with every day things such as cleaning and laundry as well as phone calls the remaining days. She is still hesitant about taking medication but has agreed on seeing a psychiatrist. All in all it is a relief on all of them but Isak still refuses to see any of them. 

“I miss my son,” Marianne says one night when Terje and Lea is over for a short visit. 

Lea is watching TV, happily curled up on the sofa and Marianne and Terje sits in the kitchen. They don’t meet often but Terje tries to keep in touch with her and ever so often he goes to her house to let Lea spend some time with her mother. It’s the least he can do for her but it doesn’t seem like Isak is willing to come back into their lives just like that. 

“Me too,” Terje says. “Do you want me to ask him to come and see you?” 

Marianne shakes her head sadly. 

“I’ve hurt him too much already.” 

Still he sends Isak text asking him to go see his mother at least. 

When Isak finally accepts his offer to go to the Christmas concert together with him and Marianne he feels like he might cry and when Isak reveals that he will bring his new boyfriend he couldn’t be happier. He doesn’t care who Isak is dating as long as he is happy but he can’t help wonder how Marianne will react. He knows she loves her son but her illness has also made her far more sensitive to stress and he doesn’t want her to react badly but it turns out he has no reason to worry because she actually calls him a few days later. 

“Did Isak tell you he has a boyfriend?” Marianne asks.

She sounds happy and there is no single trace of stress in her voice.

“He did,” Terje confirms.

He can hear Marianne breathe on the other end. 

“He didn’t think I would accept him,” She confesses sadly. “He thought that I would reject him. How could I let him believe that I wouldn’t love him no matter what?” She rambles. 

“Marianne-“ he tries but she interrupts him.

“No, I have not been a good mother to him. I let him down and scared him away and I can never forgive myself for it.”

“We both haven’t been the parents he deserves. Me more than you.” He says. “I think out of the two of us it’s me he really resents. For leaving you when you needed me and for leaving him to pick up the pieces.” 

“Well there’s no point in putting blame on ourselves or each other now. We will just have to be there for him he wants us in his lives. I’m going to look into medicines. I want to be the best mom I can so that Lea can come and stay with me sometimes and that Isak can feel like he can trust me.”

Terje thinks she is so much braver than he is. 

He doesn’t hear more from Isak in the week that follows but calls his son just to make sure he is actually coming to the concert with them. 

“So nice that you have a boyfriend,” Terje says into the phone. 

He really need Isak to know that he will always love and support him no matter who he loves. 

“I was just joking,” Isak answer. 

Terje feels confused. It doesn’t feel like Isak do joke about something like that not even to spite him to get back at him. It’s just not like Isak. 

“Okay, but then we will see each other on Friday,” He continues. “I’m really looking forward to seeing you and mom does as well.” 

The line goes quiet for a little while and Terje gets ready to end their conversation. 

“Dad, it wasn’t a joke but it is over.” Isak whimpers. 

He can hear his son sniff on the other end.

“Are you sad about that?” He asks carefully even though he already knows the answer. 

“No it’s okay.” Isak lies, clearly holding back tears and Terje can hear him swallowing tickly. 

When Friday rolls around he kind of expects Isak to not show up and as him and Marianne are waiting in the church he can feel his heart beat frantically. Isak has said he will come but Terje would understand if he didn’t. Over the years he has let Isak down so many times and if they can have some sort of a relationship he knows he will have to settle with that. He is ready to take anything Isak is willing to give.

“He will come,” Marianne says reassuringly. “I know he will.” 

Ten minute later Isak is walking down the aisle, a small smile playing on his lips as he approaches them. They are all nervous as they hug each other. Isak and Terje more so than  
Marianne. She seems too happy to see her son to have time to feel nervous.

“Hey, mom.” Isak smiles. “You look nice tonight.” 

Marianne’s whole face lights up. 

“Sweetheart, is so good to see you,” She whispers. “It means the world to me and dad to spend this night with you.” 

Isak smiles shyly and then turns to Terje again, nodding hesitantly. 

“I’m really happy you came, Isak.” Terje mumbles. 

The concert starts a few minutes later and while Marianne is completely absorbed by the music Terje notices that Isak’s mind is somewhere else a deep frown on his face as he reads a message on his phone a few times. Then before Terje or Marianne has any chance to react he stands up abruptly and leaves in hurried steps. Terje can’t help but feel a bit worried about him. 

A few hours later Isak texts him that he is sorry for leaving but that it was important and that he is sorry if he made him or Marianne sad. Terje just wants to reassure him that seeing him, if only for a few minutes, was more than enough for Terje and Marianne. He decides to give his son some space. 

So Terje will never be father of the year or the best dad in the world. He is probably a pretty lousy father to be honest and he will probably spend his whole life looking back at his former self and wish he would have handled things better. But when he is watching Lea play happily in her room on his way to the living room where his son is sitting next to his boyfriend, smiling contently, he thinks that things could have ended up a lot worse. Lea is doing as well as can being expected and Marianne is finally getting the help she needs and is doing a lot better with the support she is receiving. And Isak, Isak looks happy where he sits a comforting hand on his boyfriend’s knee. Terje serves them both some coffee and then sits down in the arm chair next to couch. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Even.” He says. 

“It’s nice to meet you to,” Even smiles looking from Terje back to Isak, happiness clear on his face. 

Things might not be perfect between them yet and probably never will be but having Isak here in his home with his boyfriend, looking happy, feels like more than he deserves. 

“Are you happy, Isak?” He asks later that night. 

Lea has dragged Even into her room to show him something and Isak is helping Terje in the kitchen. 

“I’m happy dad.” Isak says smiling. “Even makes me really happy.” 

Terje braves himself and puts hand on Isak’s shoulder, feeling relieved when Isak doesn’t pull away. 

“I love you,” He breathes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's Terje. I hope you liked it. I had a lot of fun writing it and I think it ties together really well with some of the other chapters as there are certain parallels. At least i tried to write it that way ;) 
> 
> Anyway thank you so much for taking the time to read. If you liked it feel free to leave a comment or some kudos. 
> 
> Writing and posting this felt so daunting at first and for every update I felt nervous with the possible feedback which has been nothing but nice. There are just so many good writers that I just feel like I can never live up to their level but at the same time I just feel like I enjoy writing so that is all that matters. 
> 
> I have plans to post a new fic soon. I started writing it ages ago but I have recently picked it up again. The first chapter just needs some editing. It will be more of a "normal" fic I suppose that follows a story from start to finish rather than the same story from different perspectives. I also have some ideas for one shots both angsty and fluffy so I might post some of these too eventually if people are intersted.
> 
> Until next time; take care and I hope to see you soon.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked it, if you do and have time, feel free to leave kudos or a comment. It would mean alot to me! I have the next chapter written out (next to be revised by now) and have started on the 3rd but, provided that people are interested, I might wait a week before I post the second chapter. I'm pretty busy the rest of the month so I'm not sure when I will be able to write. 
> 
> Take care :)


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